24th of October 2013.

Am feeling down today. 

Depressed/ low/ sad. 
Why today and not other days, I don’t know. 
There was a moment, an hour ago. I’d gone to the Guttman leisure centre ‘ home of the Paralympic Movement’ for a group Fitness Class. 
We did shuttles, sprints, chases, even the Bleep Test. 
In my past life I’d have been pretty good at that. Now, my small lungs and beginners chair make it tough to be even 60% as fast as some others are. But I was better than last time. 
There follows a ‘hill’ to be climbed back up to the hospital. 
Next to the entrance there are a few wheelie bins. I had to stop to catch my breath, holding up a few others. 
I moved aside to let them past, and stayed where I was for a few minutes. 
I reflected on what my life has become. 
In my chair, part human, part inanimate object. The wheelie bins took on a new significance. Filled with society’s rubbish, I felt no more important than them. 
Tears ran down my face, as they do now. 
Anybody who thinks I’m brave is wrong. 

4 thoughts on “24th of October 2013.

  1. Hi, i only know of you through Rob. I had a motorcycle accident on 13th Sept my injuries are minor however, I have bad days too. You and reading your blog keeps me going, you are an amazing person and you have inspired me to be strong and don’t give up. What you have achieved since your accident is quite frankly incredible. It is ok to have bad days 🙂 You have more energy, determination and willpower than anyone I’ve ever Known ‘. You are strong and you are amazing. Thank you for helping me 🙂

  2. Hey Russ-Boy, in a couple of weeks from now you will look back on today and todays email and the progress you will have made within that time will be very evident. The progression you have shown to date has been truly phenomenal. For the majority of us who witness this in person or via the blog – every week is a revelation. Every week without fail, you are able to do something that you hadn’t been able to do the week before. We can only imagine how slow that progress must feel to you but from where we all are – it is truly bloody amazing.
    Love you lots Russ xxx

  3. So sorry to read how low you are today. Stay strong Russ, you’ll be the master of your chair and strength before you know it. Your blog is brilliant, a truly life-affirming read. Remind yourself how far you have come since June and know that the sun is shining above the dark cloud you are under today.

  4. Russ, you are wrong about not being brave. All of us who believe in you know the truth. We are not making platitudes for the sake of it, we are amazed and in awe of you. These down moments will come and they will go. We love you Russ, regardless of your condition. You transcend your physical limitations, keep doing what you are doing. Take care bro, Alwyn

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