… then think again.
My day: T minus 7 ( 7 days til 3 years )

Woke up, having pissed myself.
Catheterised.

1 hour ‘in the bathroom ‘ – really not pleasant.
Pissed myself.
Catheterised.

Transfer to wheelchair
Transfer to shower bench
Shower
Pissed myself
Shower again
Catheterised.

Gave up on idea of going to work.

Transfer to wheelchair
Tea and fruit drink

Transfer onto bed, with shorts and pants and trainers that I’d put there
Got clothes on.

Transfer onto wheelchair.

Helped by Dani and using a rope device strapped to a girder, transfer onto Trike

1.30 Met my one time student, Arti and had a coffee ( good to see her )

Wheeled to a local park, having realised I’d pissed myself.
Catheterised ( too late )

4 pm Pushed 5 miles along the A316 to meet Pia for a cup of tea.
5.30 pm Pissed myself.
Catheterised ( too late )

Pushed 5 miles back
7.30 pm Pissed myself
Catheterised ( too late )

Transfer from Trike to wheelchair using rope ( and Dani )

Shower ( again ) to clean myself up ..

If you think that the 10 miles pushing the chair was the hard part of today, then think again. That bit was easy.

I trained hard on the arm bike most days for a couple of months – for a trip to Holland on Thursday, with the cycle lads ( Team WDF ) that were with me with I had my crash.

At the point where my spasms became so bad that my surgeon advised me to stop, I switched to going out on the Trike to stay in some sort of shape, plus came up with the idea of taking that to Holland so that at least I could do something there.. and not have to be pushed around by the lads ( I find my regular wheelchair really hard to push due to the awful curve in my spine )

In the last 3 weeks I’ve crapped myself 4 times… and am now for some reason that of course I don’t know about, I’ve been peeing myself constantly.
As a consequence the trip to Holland isn’t really a go’er. The lads can’t really be expected to change my pants every couple of hours…

It’ll be 3 years on Tuesday, a week today, that I fell from my bike on that lonely road. Not a day goes by that I don’t resent those surgeons for ‘ saving my life ‘and leaving me like this.

I’ve written before about how this injury can be different for some people, the less active amongst us. When I was in Stoke Mandeville, in my ward there were people who just seemed OK with it, whilst I was in complete shock.
There was a 19 year old girl who just seemed, well.. smiley. Her fiancée was in the hospital every day with her – I think he may have somehow stayed there?

I was devastated for her, for them, just assuming that their young lives and future were ruined by her paralysis.
The other day I found her ( via social media ) and saw that her profile picture was of an ultrasound scan of a baby ( yes, SCI women can conceive just as ‘ easily’ as normal women ).
I messaged her, pleased for her, but also assuming that life must be a huge psychological struggle, deprived of so much physical ability – as it is for me.

I was surprised by our conversation.

You’re pregnant ?????

I am indeed ?x

Jesus
That’s good!
And married?!

Yea sure is were over the moon and yea got married September and was pregnant end of January x

All you ever wanted?!
?

Exactly that x

And what about the SCI ?
That wasn’t on the list of things you wanted?
What do you do these days? X

No that wasn’t hahaha and at the moment being sick and lack of sleep is what I’m doing hahahaha x
How are you doing ? xxx

Tell me what you’ve done since Stoke Mandeville – briefly.
Other than marriage and getting pregnant ?

Not much really, had different appointments and sorting our house and stuff ahahah x

You sound happy? X

yeah I couldn’t be happier to be honest were away at the moment in our caravan we have in Great Yarmouth xxxx

Lucky you !
How on earth u get into a caravan???

? it has a ramp xx

To be honest, you never really looked like you really minded being paralysed, that much.
Anything that you miss about not being paralysed ?xx

So what’s your level?

T10
No, it hasn’t really bothered me much to be fair – erm normal bowels and bladder xx
Yeah that’s the bit I miss about being paralysed hahah xxx

But otherwise you’re pretty ok with the whole paralysis thing? Xx
I guess *** is always there to help you?

Yeah, I am to be fair, and yeah he is xx

To me, the above is just inconceivable.
Perhaps her family and friends call her ‘ amazing’ – that being paralysed hasn’t dented her at all – she’s just the same as before – but has a ramp for the caravan now.

She definitely doesn’t read this blog, and won’t ever.

I suppose if you never lived, you don’t know what you’re missing – as proven here.

She is indeed amazing – both amazingly lucky to still be happy, and amazingly unlucky to think that what she has is all there is in life.

But what do I know?

I had been invited to a birthday party yesterday. I didn’t go, as I can’t do parties any more ( it’s the height and volume thing – neither of which I cope with, plus a consciousness that people have to stop enjoying themselves to talk to me ..)

So instead I went out for a long push on my Trike.
I’ve had the tyres changed to a ‘ slicker ‘ variety that pump up far harder and blimey, what a difference that has made – it’s probably 60% faster, 50% easier to push ( at that higher speed ) and also I don’t get so easily stuck in places … very useful, that last factor.

Suddenly 7 miles was pretty easy.

Marathon next year, for sure.

I spent 5 long months in Louisville last year ( actually today is the anniversary of my return )

It’s the town that, to many people in the world still, is the birthplace of The Greatest sporting star that ever lived.

He has his own ‘ museum ‘ there – and I went there twice – it’s a special place, and even more so now.

It ought to be the most special place in the town, but Americans being Americans it’s not – that’ll be the Louisville Slugger factory and Stadium ( it’s to do with that other sport that they have, that the whole country gets very excited about, along with 2 other sports they get very animated about )

Despite that, on the date of Ali’s funeral, all the world’s cameras will be focussed on Louisville, and I think they’ll realise once more what a UNIVERSAL impact that Ali had, and to a lesser extent still has.

I’m sure that Pia will remember coming with me to the Ali Centre – it overlooks the huge river – the one that I almost wheeled into some months later – she and I spent ages there, and the memory of that experience is even more poignant now, than it was then.

Whilst out for a solo push on my Trike wheelchair yesterday, I stopped for a bit to talk to 2 girls.
They said they had a friend of the same age ( 20 ) who had 3 months ago been paralysed ( T6 level – diaphragm downwards – like me ) and was now in ‘ re-hab. She was talking very positively about her future, they said.

I talked to them about how it is 3 months in – you really have no clue just how paralysis will change every single thing; about how much friends matter; about how they fall away after the initial excitement is over ( the sad tale recounted by most of the Spinally Injured community ) leaving a few close ones, plus some family. I asked how close a friend she was, and she said ‘ very ‘. I did look at her closely as she answered, and her reply was sincere sounding, for sure. I said that it takes years, not months, to get past this injury, and that the real struggle may not have even begun yet – the mental one, the mental struggle to accept that the awful physical effects do not just engulf you completely. I asked her to be there for her friend for years, not months, to stay there and not to desert her, or lose interest if her friend seemed to lose her way, or her drive, or her personality – the injury takes that from you, it takes everything – and most people ( not everyone ) will fade away with those things.

I hoped I got through – I certainly don’t think I ‘ gave her a lecture ‘ I could have kept talking for hours, and I think she could have too, but I said goodbye and wheeled off. I fear for her friend. At 20 you have friends for sure, but not that many deep friendships, there just hasn’t been the time to form them yet.
Most injured that young have to start again with friends – the ones they have going off and getting on with their exciting transition into adulthood, quite understandably, and not having much time for their former friend, who can’t really join in properly with stuff anymore, so it’s easier not to invite her…..isn’t it?

It’s now the situation that I can’t lie down flat without my spasms starting immediately, forcing my knees upwards/ bending my legs. All attempts by me to push them flat ( with my hands after dragging myself first to a sitting position ) fail, they kick back up/ semi straighten / kick back up etc etc.

I think that the position of straightness in my spine must be so uncomfortable ( without me knowing it ) that my legs kick up to relieve the ‘pain’.
But I don’t know.

It makes sleeping difficult though.