I’ve had a rough day.
My chest filled with fluid and rendered my ability to breathe very difficult.

I’ve had 3 Salbutomol nebulisers, an in-bed chest x ray, lots of doctors visit me and been in an Oxygen feed all day.

I’ve had some visitors too, who saw me in varying states of physical distress.

What I find very weird is that people think that I’m ill, therefore I MUST be down. There’s a refusal to believe that I can possibly be positive when I’m in agony/ grimacing and covered in tubes.

I can certainly understand their confusion, but not to the point where they are actually trying to convince me that I must be unhappy.

Any protests from me that suggest I am actually okay with it all, and looking forward with optimism seem to be dismissed as my confusion.

I think that in the normal world this must be the case, but in my world of regained inner strength, I am looking forward to tomorrow being a better day.

Gotta go, more chest treatment from yet another doctor.

I hope then to sleep, but be awake for the second Trump Clinton slanging match.

When I cough it still feels like I’m being stabbed.
I’m looking forward to that stopping.

No mate, you don’t deserve this. The Donald could do with a dose of the harsh reality you have to deal with every day, the kind he can’t buy or bully his way out of. He really is a disgusting human being.

Good to see lots of good wishes, love and support coming your way. You definitely deserve that.
Kev.

And,

Great to read on your blog how well you are handling your situation, amazing mindset. Glad you are able to move beyond the challenges at home. Hope tomorrow brings some relief.

And,

God I knew Pontypool blokes were meant to be hardy but you take the biscuit ?.. thinking of you xxxx

And,

Russ. Reading the blog and so pleased that you are through this weekends “fun and games”! While you must be in a heap of pain – sure it will lessen over time and be worth it. Stay strong mate. We’re all thinking of you here. Had my mate Mark here – the one doing DW who you kindly talked to. He’s hooked now. He picked up a kayak form Richmond today. We were talking a lot about how you inspired him when he met you. He’s training hard for DW next year now. Anyway – keep your spirits high and pressing that pain killer button!! All our love. Robbie / Terry and Jess. Xxx

And,

The force is still with you! You are quite a tough cookie – thankfully xx Sending love from us all xx

And,

Hang in there Russ. What you’ve been through would destroy most mortals. Will get over to see you soon. Have to buy more Welsh cakes as I’ve eaten the others. Very nice they are too with a drop of red wine!
M

And,

I’m so glad we are friends. I hope this op goes right. I love your new determined attitude & new sense of peace, may they serve you well. Speak soon xx

And,

Ah, Russ. I really feel for you..I’m really sorry to hear this. Just know you are unbreakable. I believe that..

And,

We checked your blog about every 5 mins from 3.00pm …. we were delighted to read that post. Here’s to a steady and uneventful recovery x

And,

Have followed your blog for last 3’years and that is th bestest news ever !

Caroline here ….someone whom was in awe of your physical fitness before and now in awe of YOU as a person !!!

Lots to say …. But u say the real things that count rand those are the best

Have wanted to post for ages …but figured not of interest to you as we werent close friends but oh my god reading ur blog!!!! U r one amazing human being!! Feel I just need to say it !!

Been thinking about you and your words about your catalogue of unfortunate events. Normally it’s nine lives and bing bong you’re gone, but you my dear, as you say have gone way over that. You have to think about why. Why are you meant to be here? There is a reason and you must dig deep to find it. You are meant to do something, it doesn’t have to be anything monumental or inspirational necessarily, but there is a reason. That means you are a chosen one, use it if you can.

You only needed a cuddly toy on your list and it wouldn’t have looked out of place on a bizarre version of the generation game.

Xx

My stomach is impossibly bloated, which stretches the wound,making it very painful.
I’ve asked for Rennie tablets ( or an equivalent ) to make me burp in order to reduce the pressure, but the medical process involved in obtaining a chewy tablet that’s available in any chemists just across the road from here, renders getting hold of a tablet impossible.

I am so tred, and want to press the button that puts the bed flat, to enable me to sleep, but I can’t, as that increases the wound stretch, and makes me want to cough. Coughing feels like being stabbed in the stomach, so I desperately suppress the urge. It’s an almost impossible task to achieve, and I feel that I’m slowly but surely drowning I’m this situation.. even more than The Donald is drowning in his.

The difference is that Trump deserved what he gets.
Do I ?

Thanks to Pia and Holly for their visit.

As expected, I feel low today, the come down after the high.

Though I never really had the high, as I was in so much pain, and still am.

Thankfully I have Cherie coming after she finishes work, later today, for some hand holding duty.

I’ll try to hold on, inside my head, until then.

I’m in that world of conflicting drug effects again – the one that knocked me out, and the one they used to wake me up from anaesthesia.

I’m very tired, but I can’t sleep..
I have had 2 hours, and it’s 4.44 am

My middle is in a lot of pain, seemingly over a far larger area than I have sensation.

So I put the TV on, for about the tenth time in 6 weeks. Nighttime TV is far better than daytime, or at least far more intellectual – maybe there’s a reason for that?!

They are looking to discharge me on around the 18th of October.
Exactly where I’ll go then and what ‘support’ I’ll have, is currently unclear.

All and any offers for assistance will be gratefully received.

My most sincere thanks to Cherie for being there during my very slow wake up from anaesthesia. For someone to hold my hand for 2 hours shows very dedicated friendship, and I count her as one of my closest friends. Pre injury, we’d met only the once.

My youngest, Amber, arrived, as usual without giving me any indication of her time of arrival, and took over the hand holding duty, albeit slightly reluctantly, it being ‘ not very cool’at 12 years old.

Dan White came an hour or so later, and it was good to see him, and give him some advice about buying a kayak or two. I’ve often wondered how a bloke can live on a houseboat on the Thames, for 20 yesrs and have no real interest in paddling a canoe in it, until now.

Pia called me, tho I fear my voice was packing up by then, and I was mumbling a lot.

I had a lot of messages expressing relief that I was still alive, which was very touching, as once again I myself surprised myself by waking up.

They cut me open at the front, through the skin and muscles, opening and extending my last slicing, and re-opened the scar on my back, the one that had barely healed from the last but one operation.

They took out all the screws from my last op, as well as the metal plate at the front, to drill deeper holes in my vertebrae. They put in much bigger and longer screws to secure the plate back in place.
They turned me over to drill holes in the opposite side of the same vertabrae, at the back, and screwed on another large metal plate.

Including the time spent by the vascular surgeon, moving and protecting my my major arteries and veins, and seeing me up again, it took 8 hours.

I’m in a fair bit of pain on my front, as they cut into an area where I have full sensation. I try not press the painkiller drug release button, as it doesn’t dull the pain much, but will add to the forthcoming severe constipation.

Just mentally totting up the list…

I’ve ‘overcome’ paralysis, near certain drowning after capsizing whilst disabled rowing, crashing off a cliff whilst disabled skiing, 5 massive spine operations,35 hours of general anaesthetic, frontal lobe brain injury, coma,2 heart attacks, 12 smashed up ribs broken collar bone and shoulder blade, 75 minutes lying on it all, with a severed spine and without passing out, kidney and liver failure, pressure sores to my face and back …chronic mentally debilitating depression, a smear campaign and attempted suicide..

Yet am smiling as I write.

It would appear that when it comes to lives, I’ve beaten even cats.

Maybe I’m one of those ghosts that go around thinking that they’re really alive?

( too sleepy to write any more – and facing a really disturbed night in Intensive Care )

More tomorrow ..

X

They’ve made it clear that this one is a risky one, as in it may go wrong.

Lots of sharp metal and lots of major arteries and veins.
They have a very eminent vascular surgeon there, very much involved, so that he can try to prevent vessels being punctured. If one is, by a drill, a scalpel, a screw, a screwdriver, the metal plates that they are putting in, then the bleed will be very hard to stop.

I can sense that the nurses here are nervous. I’ve had lots of concerned faces saying good luck for tomorrow ..

I’m totally sanguine about it, and am at peace with the world. I’m not on any mind altering pills, so this is me talking.
I feel like I’m back, as in the real pre injury me, but a far nicer one.

And if I die, then I’ll die happy.
That is something I never thought I’d re achieve.
I’ve lived in a dark hole for 3 yrs.
not going back there, no way.

They take me down in ten minutes.

If I don’t blog by 3pm then I maybe won’t after that!

Thank you to Cherie, who said she’d be there to wake up to.

Russ

PS Good luck today to my friend, Gra.

Thanks to Clair for her visit, and for the cofee, plus the nuts!
Thanks to Pia for the deodorant and the toothpaste ! And the wine – which I too had a glass of…!

Thanks to the kindness of the staff here, too.

I now sleep better, but not necessarily enough, through a different drug that is an anti spasmodic ( for my spasms )

I’ve also had the nous to switch to a diet heavy in calcium – for my bone density – that’s a lot of boiled eggs, milk and cheese omelettes, plus bags of almonds, broccoli and fruit ( the fruit is a permanent fixture !)

Thanks for all the messages that I continue to get.
I absolutely reply to every one.

Not a single message from anyone at my work – except one person. Funny old dynamic, that work one. There’s a big difference between real friends and colleagues.