I took the proactive step of talking to professionally qualified people about how I was feeling, and the thoughts I was having. Even whilst doing it I was thinking ‘ this is pretty pointless because it’s not going to change anything ‘. But actually it did ultimately help, and the worst passed again, the worst being my own little Jiminy Cricket telling me how pointless my being alive was.

A few days later I’ve done quite a lot of worthwhile things and I’m glad I was around to do them.

I saw my surgeon on Friday and well, either he’s an EXTREMELY good actor, or ( in his opinion ) nothing has moved in my internal frame. His positivity about my skeletal state was definitely reassuring to me, and we also established that my 5 year old wheelchair needs replacement, as it is breaking, and has been breaking,   for some time.

A new and therefore more rigid chair will give me support in the right places, combined with a new seat cushion that fits my arse, and a curved back rest that supports me properly. As I can’t actually feel the seat or thé backrest all I get is the outcome of how they fit me rather than the actual feel of them. I therefore know they aren’t right from how I appear to struggle in them to be upright, rather than being able to actually féel the problem directly.

Wendy and i saw a band too – The Feeling. I think I’ve realised that whilst being ‘ big in Chiswick ‘ they aren’t anywhere else. Anyway they were ok, in a packed with Chiswick types Shepherds Bush Academy, no one really getting very animated except for the quite vocal gay following they have, which was very amusing. Freddie Mercury may be dead, but his disciple wanna be’s live on and were in Shepherds Bush at the weekend.

After the gig we went to a bar next door. Never have I seen such a juxtaposition of ‘ letting yourself go behaviour ‘ in 2 different crowds separated by 50 feet of street.  One crowd was, well… ‘ very contained ( like the headmaster was watching) ‘ and the other was actually having a laugh, dancing, laughing, and extremely friendly with it. It’s been a bit since i had 3 people fall over my wheelchair in one night, had my drink knocked over, and been talked to by so many people I’ve never met.

It made me miss my iBot which no longer seems to work, but that I’ve not given up on. Jeez that thing made gigs SO much better. Today I’ve had a go at getting it working and it does seem to accept electrical charge, but won’t function properly. It just makes a lot of alarm and malfunction noises instead… which makes it not do what it does when working ie stand up on 2 wheels etc.

As a strategic manoeuvre I’ve decided to get a pet … for the company to a degree, but also because to have something that’s reliant on me means you have to stick around.

I imagine that’s what kids are for too, as a rule

Also my proper exercise brain is kicking in. I am very limited as to what I can actually do, and almost everything has to be with one arm at a time, but you do what you can do, as you can’t change what you can’t change. I’ve redeployed my arm grinder machine ( yes I’m home with help temporarily) and I’ll do / am doing a fair bit of strenuous ( non weight bearing ) exercise.

I have a CT lung scan tomorrow to see if that thing in my left lung looks worse ( probably curtains if it is ) but I’ve bought people Christmas presents in advance this year, just in case!

My sincere gratitude to the amazingly lovely Wendy for all of her compassion and help recently. For the record Shes a total star.

Thanks too to thé quite a few people that seem to be looking out for me, including my ( worried ) Mum.


9 thoughts on “Sunday.

  1. Seeing as how you like birds, how about a cockatiel or two, a parrot, or a cockatoo? Or a couple of parakeets (budgies)? I had several pet parakeets as a teen. I aught them several cool physical tricks and let them fly around the house for a time each day. I also had a perch by our tv for them to sit and watch telly with us each evening.

    Gerbils would be nice, too. I had hamsters as a child. A close relative to the gerbil, as you no doubt know.

    Best of luck picking a feathered or furred friend or two to share your life with!


  2. Sorry but I disagree/ you don’t like cats,,you have zero empathy for pets/animals, you should find a different companion. I think it would be unfair to them & frustrating for you.
    Maybe you have a friend or two that would let pet sit for a couple of hours, seriously, I’m begging you to reconsider.

    1. Ooohhh Cherie… that goes to show how mistaken a person can be. As a child I spent so many hours looking after ( wild ) animals that i’d find injured or ( in my opinion ) lost, whether they be birds ( mostly ) tadpoles and frogs, bats,crickets or rodents. I had gerbils for years ( my dad wouldn’t have allowed anything larger so it wasn’t even up for discussion ). In recent pre injury years I rescued a bat from a fireplace , and probably a hundred frogs from roads in Portugal, and was the only one in my one time family that would clean the fish tank that we had, which I did with pleasure. I don’t really have a connection with dogs or horses, and cats aren’t of interest to me either.
      As a child I’d have watched natural history programmes all day long I’d they d had them on, and still default to them if they are showing.
      The hidden sides of a person…!

      1. Well you certainly did keep that quiet!
        In over 5 years I’ve never heard you say anything about being an animal fan…. although maybe that’s why you like me- I’m a bit of an animal. No need to speculate which bit! 🦄

        1. I do think it proves your animal ‘ obsession ‘ (?) that you do put the welfare of say a hamster before my own efforts to have ‘ a reason to live ‘.
          Just an observation. X

  3. Hey Russ, the iBot thing. If you haven’t already, and if it won’t kill the machine, get someone to completely disconnect the battery. Then reconnect it. This might reset the cache in the processor, which might be why it’s accepting a charge but not functioning well. You never know … glad you decided to stay 😉 X

  4. I hope your lung scan will show it’s nothing un to ward Russ.

    I’m also having a lung scan on Wednesday!

    I will be in touch with you soon.
    Love you
    Aunty Wendy and John xx

  5. Getting a pet is a brilliant idea! Which will it be, a dog or a cat? Or a talkng bird to teach all your humorous wisecracks to?

    Will you be going to see the Bohemian Rhapsody movie? I saw it last night with my son. Good movie with good acting. Not totally accurate, but good just the same. Lots of Queen’s songs in it.


  6. Welcome back!

    As you obviously don’t like cats what did you have in mind for a pet? Can’t imagine a goldfish would be interesting enough so how about a parrot you can teach to swear?? Looking forward to finding out!

    Lots of love

    Auntie Mary xx

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