A while ago I bought a remote control fart box machine. You press the button on a little fob and the fart speaker farts very loudly.
I’d forgotten about it, but it was in the lounge somewhere near the TV.

3 days ago I had a plumber visit to check my central heating control panel wasn’t broken. He had a look at it and then came into the lounge to chat to me. He walked in and stopped to say something. At that point, for no reason at all the fart speaker let out the loudest and longest fart. You could have heard it down the street, yet he didn’t show any sign at all of reacting…

Then about 5 seconds later it bloody went off again, and he didn’t show any reaction.

I had the choice of saying something ( that I was so childish I had a fart machine in my lounge, but that actually it wasn’t me letting it off ) or like him, just pretending it hadn’t happened. Twice.

I decided I should go with the first option, as at least then he would know that I wasn’t actually farting loudly while he was trying to assist me.

I did actually feel a bit flustered! To make matters worse, English wasn’t his first language, and I didn’t know Polish for fart machine… so God knows if he understood anything that was being said !

Blimey.