Yesterday I went back to London Bridge Hospital to talk to a colon surgeon.
We have a date pencilled in for me to have a stoma cut into my side. My new bum hole will then make my complicated life a little less complicated. As I suffer the effects of massive internal blockages and bloating, I look 5 months pregnant all of the time now.
Hang on, perhaps I am pregnant ? Maybe they installed a womb back in the Autumn and didn’t tell me – that would explain a lot.
But God help the unborn child, having me as a mum and dad.
So, as well as discussing a new A hole in April, Pia, Cherie and I went to thé Tate Modern. I’ve paid for membership for about 5 years, but this is the first time that I’ve used it. The card allows a guest for free, and officially as I’m in a wheelchair, I’m allowed a carer too… so we all got in for nothing. As I felt guilty about that ( very slightly ) I spent a few quid in the members bar afterwards. The views from the 10th floor are very cool.
I’d been to the Tate only once before, just pre injury, and had a great day, so it was cool to revisit.
Some of the ‘art’ is frankly fairly ridiculous. In the main hall, people were lying down beneath dozens of speakers, through which various noises were played, like squelching and buzzing and a few random words. Perhaps I’m just not sophisticated enough to appreciate the artistic merit therein… but I took some video ( probably not allowed ) and added some sound effects myself via my electronic fart machine. Pia and Cherie were just in fits – yes, I am ashamed of them both.
The South Bank at night is a real experience all by itself. It was also great to meet up with Doctors Steve and Mike, who I’d got to know well in Louisville, 2 years ago – always a laugh to see them. Steve was sporting fur lined loafers and a fur coat. He looked as gay as a 9 bob note – which in fact he is – so no matter.
Thank you to my mother, for her visit last week, and my very belated birthday gift of a telescope…. if you live anywhere near me, you might want to ensure you close your curtains before you prance around naked in your bedroom.