Yesterday

Yesterday.

Yesterday I saw two members of my work team for ‘last goodbyes’.
Ina and Prabh have both decided to move on, along with quite a few others, since my absence.
It would seem that without me there it’s just not the same.
Those that have left have all written to me and articulately expressed their sadness at going, and sincerely thanked me for the positive influence I’ve had on them in the most formative parts of their careers – the early years.
If I’m able to go back, it’ll be to a quite different work team to the one I said ‘ see you next week ‘ to in mid June 2013.
To be honest I’m very very sad that it’s proven so difficult to keep them at work.
Loyalty to me seems to have been the overriding factor then.
I want to say thank you to Ina, Prabh, Jas, Mitul, Cath , Jayna and Ali for all their hard work and dedication over these last 5 years. I’m going to miss all of you, particularly if I make it back ( which I can now see is not going to be straightforward, having tried ( and failed ) last week to use my equipment in my consulting room.
It really is far from a case of ‘yes, the wheelchair fits under there, that’ll be ok’

Adam continues to punish me in the gym. Those parts of me that work are getting stronger at a crazy rate. The downside is that the bits that don’t still don’t. I cannot for instance sit on the edge of a bed without holding on tight.

Depressing, like so much every day, now.

On the upside my friends continue to make a fuss of me – Lisa last night took me out, Vanessa and Andy today, to name but a few.
I’m still in that mode where I seem to be watching the world go by, rather than being a part of it.
When I was being pushed along the sand of the beach on the weekend, I couldn’t reconcile the injustice of it all.
I should be the strong man pushing the person in the wheelchair, not the person in the bloody wheelchair.

I can’t see myself ever getting over that.

3 thoughts on “Yesterday

  1. Russ, what kind of support do you get to move out of the hospital and back into your own home? Is there a Health Visitor or someone who can help you organise things like physiotherapy, occupational therapy and all that stuff? It seems mad to take you from Stoke Mandeville where you were doing intensive work every day on keeping your muscles functioning and using things like that standing frame doo-hickey and those stimulating pads to keep your leg muscles from atrophying… and then, what? Just ‘go home, you’re done’? Where’s the follow-up? Where’s the support to get you back functioning in your own home and getting back to work? Those are the things that will make you ‘better’ (for a given value of ‘better’) – by which I mean more independent and more able to contribute to society.

    What’s going on, flower? It sounds like you’re currently getting fantastic support from your friends and family and your fab trainer, but nothing from our health and social services.

    1. There’s very little ‘provided’ Lisa.
      If you’re all by yourself then there would be, I’m sure.
      Or if you have a compensation legal claim, then you could fill your boots with physio and rehab costs, but I’m not in that situation.
      For me, it’s relying on the ongoing volunteer nature of my friends to keep moving me forward.
      Xx

      1. That sucks! And it’s just plain foolish and shortsighted. (Ha!)
        With the right kind of support now you could get back into work and start paying taxes again. (I repeat: ha!) But that is the goal, isn’t it? To have you become a busy, productive, involved member of society again.

        OK, how do we fix this? Who do we need to write a letter to?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *