Today’s been a strange one.
There’ve been highs where I’ve felt really happy, and lows where I’ve cried alone in a quiet corridor.
I’ve seen the lovely Debs for lunch, and been taken out by Kev, Sam, Toby, Stu and Sam ( again ), all the most loyal and generous company a man could wish for.
So I should just pull myself together, right?
I try, then sometimes a little thought, or a memory of ‘before this’ fills my head, and I compare now with then.
However much I’ve improved, there is no comparison between now and then. I can’t help but look at pictures of the fit, healthy, happy man from 7 months ago and compare him to me.
Do I have to totally switch off my memory bank to move on?
In my phone photo library I’m canoeing, surfing, skiing, swimming, in restaurants, in bars, at parties, laughing, smiling, picking up my daughters, sitting on sofas with my wife and friends… do I have to delete these memories to go forward?
Do I want to? They are the things that made me the person I was, that I still want to be, in my head.
I’m an awful lot luckier than a lot of people, but God, sometimes I don’t feel it.