As the cause of my spasming is almost definitely in part yet another UTI, at least I know what’s bloody happening to me. The not knowing is mentally very frustrating ( to put it mildly ).

I do what I can at work despite my distractions and hope that I am contributing. Tonight I gave a talk on the slightly forgotten art of fitting and aftercare of RGP’s ( Rigid Gas Permeable contact lenses ) … Ah the racy, secret world of optometrists  revealed….As I’m quite old I remember when a lot of people wore ‘ hard lenses’ and as a consequence I know what to do.. which is FAR more complicated than modern disposable soft lenses.

I had no spasms today til about 4 o’clock. The optimistic ( still alive ) side of me was so relieved. Obviously it couldn’t last, and they continued into the evening.

Again alcohol seems to have helped. I don’t drink that often as I know it’s not  best practice for anyone, but it does  seem to work.

Maybe once I live alone I’ll take solace in the bottle ( but I doubt it ).  I think alcoholism is at least mostly genetic and there isn’t any history in my family background.

Alone in a bar again I’m ok ( a worrying sign perhaps ). I can’t imagine a future long term alone though – I don’t think I can survive the solitude.

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