There are times when I just feel disabled and there are times when I feel extra disabled. Into the latter category goes such things as toppling over on my Sitski and being 100% unable to move, but also such experiences as this evening when I went to my daughter’s parents evening. As all the able bodied parents rush about and through the crowds, I am unable to. I can’t get through doors, up ramps, go in a straight line along carpets ( they always have a ‘grain’ that pulls me one way ) or go through crowded rooms ( no one seems to notice the guy in the chair, only 3 feet tall, until they’ve practically walked into him or fallen over him ) and there is the ever present awareness of the large number of people who don’t want to stare, so look the other way instead.
My body spasmed through the 2 hour experience, probably not apparant to anyone else but totally distracting to me, to the extent that I fail to hear half of what the various teachers say about my daughter.
I’m now back in our flat and my legs move uncontrollably continually. I punch them in frustration and envy the normality that goes on around me.
I’d spent the day in my workplace, not had many spasms and got a few things done. When I look back at my day, the non spasming work part was the best period. As my legs jerked all the night through last night, it’s not been a good 24 hours for my mental state, and I can’t see that going to bed will make anything any better – as it usually doesn’t..
Long gone are the days of just crashing out and waking up rejuvenated.
I’d had a very bad weekend of depression that seems just below my skin sometimes, just dying to burst out.
I miss the simplicity of life. The friend whose new glasses have really thrilled her, the person whose sore neck ( that’ll be gone by morning ) is getting them down. What they’d be thinking if facing ‘ my challenges ‘ I couldn’t say of course. Perhaps they’d be better than I am at it, I don’t know.
Good to see Tanju, the late Selcuk’s brother, today ( I intend to get to know him a lot better – what a lovely bloke he is ) and also D- Man and Roy this morning.