I’ve just listened to a really good book, one recommended by a buddy of mine whom I saw last week ( socially distanced obviously )
It’s called 12 rules for Life, and has had a lot of critical acclaim I found out.
Whilst all 12 rules seem make an awful lot of sense, there was one which keeps appearing in my thoughts. That rule was Be friends with people that want the best for you.
I then found myself going through people in my head that I regard as my friends. It was quite remarkable actually. All of those who I regard as genuine friends I could easily assign with the ‘ he/she ( definitely ) wants the best for me ‘
And when I thought of people that I regard as acquaintances rather than friends, and asked myself whether those people ( genuinely and definitely in my opinion ) wanted the best for me, every single time time it was a straightforward no that I didn’t have to ponder.
Likewise it was the same in reverse. For many people I know, when I ask that question it’s an immediate ‘ yes, I always want the best for this person’ but for others when I ask that of myself I realise that the same sentiments don’t exist ( and not because I feel an ill will towards them, but just that actually I just don’t think of them in that way ).
We all know I think, which people in our lives, upon hearing about some misfortune or downfall ( possibly even their death ) we’d be very upset or concerned for ( devastated even if it was their death ) and which people we wouldn’t have those reactions about. That’s not to say we ever have to voice it out loud, but we DO know.
What’s very useful though, is to think of people whom you’ve perhaps wondered about often, that you haven’t heard from for a long time, and then to ask yourself ‘ does that person want the best for me ?’ And again there are those who you are definitely a yes, with the rest being a no, and there never seems to be anyone that you have to deliberate over.
And it’s a really really good exercise in working out who is important in your life, who you should spend your time on, and who ‘ doesn’t merit’ your time in the same way.
It’s not as though it’s possible for you to ‘ be friends’ with EVERYONE, and similarly it’s not possible that EVERYONE cares about you.
Try it and you’ll see what I mean.