I didn’t realise I hadn’t written anything for a week until a lovely  friend texted me to ask what the score was

I think that when I’m down it can manifest in apathy, including ‘ bothering ‘ to write anything here.  My memory has also seemed to desert me too, I’m forgetting all sorts of stuff that I classed as engrained in my brain

The news is that I’m home, and have help to make that possible, courtesy of a lady called G who is helping me. My stay in hospital definitely led to an almost complete lack of positivity, that almost led me to the end of my road. I’m still definitely not ‘ ok’ but I’m better than I was a week ago for sure, better being defined as actually wanting to bother being alive. I’m struggling to ‘ be myself ‘ with full awareness of my being very subdued in every way.

I’m engaging in counselling though, to see the light in the dark and we’ll see what happens.

Yesterday’s trip to the theatre was a bit spoiled by the torrential rain in London- jeez you get wet when sat down rather than standing up. I’m not sure whether my ‘ mood ‘ made the play not very entertaining, or whether if I saw it again I’d really like it? I’ve liked all the other Pinter plays I’ve seen, a lot..

ive had my wheelchair semi serviced which has improved my posture a bit, though I do need a new one. That doesn’t happen quickly though so it’ll be the spring before I actually get one that’s made for me ( measured and suitable for me) I think.

Today I saw my lil brother and Mandy – thanks for dropping in, as in driving from Wales (!) and have had Wendy here this weekend, being her lovely self. What a totally giving and sensitive girl she is. I’m lucky to have her in my life, for sure

Tomorrow I have more medical appointments, including the results of that lung scan I had recently. I’m definitely aware that my breathing is shallower, and my already weak voice is of late weaker still, so something is up I’d say.

Im forcing myself to exercise, with the various means I have for that, and bought a speedball to punch. Wendy and I attached it to a wall- her first encounter with a drill, but she excelled as always. Yes, it’s still on the wall, and have used  it every day ( 3 days in total mind ) It’s obviously fitted low down, too low for another person to use, unless that person is a boxing midget of course. Thanks to G for the loan of her (pink ) boxing gloves which have saved my knuckles for sure, and go with my metrosexual gender neutrality

In the endeavour of keeping on keeping on, we are going to a gig tomorrow in Brixton that I booked ages ago. Sigrid is 18 and so very talented.

And I now have a pet.. a little friend that’s  non judgmental etc. She seems to be warming slowly to me, though her activity isn’t yet at normal speed I’d say , as she gets used to her new home.. watch this space for pet updates then.


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