Funny, or rather not funny at all how my outlook can shift from positive to the opposite. Yesterday I was in the mindset that I really could see myself being happy again, but today that has shifted.
I used to see things written by the Paralysed about what fun they’d had, and dismiss them totally as lies – how could you be happy and paralysed, it’s just completely contradictory.
I have glimpsed happiness but they remain glimpses.
As the trend of late has been a bit of a FlatLine with occasional rises, tho more dips, I cannot say that I’m heading in that happiness direction, with total honesty.
Again today I’ve tried to call my two daughters, but with the usual straight to voicemail outcome – it makes me so sad, but I keep trying nonetheless. Lily is looking into Uni choices and I have no input or opinion that’s been sought, which is heartbreaking for me. I never thought it would be this way – what loving father would ? I hope they are happy despite not having me in their lives. Their mother has a boyfriend, who I hope is a positive influence, but I’ve no idea.
No doubt I’ll force myself out of this dip soonish.