A film called ‘ Any one of us ‘. It’s on BBCi player.
it’s about all the people that find themselves suddenly paralysed, and their lives after that.
About half way through I realised I was crying. Not a little bit, but a lot. Properly, properly sobbing.
The film does have some ‘ hope’ in it, some people get some recovery of functionality… but most people with spinal cord injury don’t get a lot, and plenty ( like me ) don’t get any at all.
After the deep depression you are in for many years comes an adaption, an adjustment to the severely compromised ‘life’ that you now have. It’s one that you’d do anything, anything at all to change. Except you can’t.
Is life still worth living when you are paralysed? Well sometimes it is, but I can honestly ( HONESTLY ) say that I’m completely indifferent to life ( and death ) all of the time. That doesn’t mean that I wheel around not smiling. because I smile most of the time actually, and I’m not pretending ( any more – because I did for years and years ) but it’s the smile of someone standing on a precipice, who’s indifferent to the strong gust of wind that might blow him onto solid ground, or blow him off the edge, and there’s not really a preference in my head for either of those two.
Please believe me when I say I’m not ‘ depressed’ because I’m not. I imagine a soldier running into gunfire that may hit him or kill him has the same mindset. It could go either way for him. He has to be cool about it, or he’d never run. He’s trained to be cool about it, and that’s me – my mind is trained to accept how it is for me 24/7 ( though in reality it’s more like 23 and a half / 7 because I defy anyone like me to just ‘ be ok ‘ all of the time. Most totally normal people are 23/7 about everything, at best, I reckon. But if they knew, just for a single day, what it’s like to be paralysed… then they may think differently..
From that song ( The Streets of London ) ‘ how can you say.. you’re lonely.. and for you the sun don’t shine … ‘
‘ let me take you by the hand and lead you through the streets of London (ok the paralysis ward ).. I’ll show you something… that’ll make you change your mind ….’