Oh no.

I came around ( to my immediate surprise, given my foreboding of very real death by anaesthesia )almost exactly 5 hours, to the minute after I’d last looked at the clock on the wall. They do have wall mounted clocks in pretty much every room, which as a fairly ‘obsessed by the time’ person, I find a help.

It was 13.29, and then it was 18.28.
My first thought was something like ‘ blimey, I’m not paranoid, I’m not imagining that the world is against me, I’m feeling pretty cheerful ? This is a polar opposite to my other experiences of ‘waking up’.

I smiled at the nurses, and I shook the hand of the anaesthetist, and of Mr Lucas, the surgeon. I also remembered everyone’s names, and did not repeat myself, not even once.

I also did not repeat myself, not even once.

Yes, that was a joke.

I remembered very vividly though, the extreme ( and I’m talking agony ) of the administration of the drug that put me to sleep. It’s delivered through a Canula into the back of my left hand, and it was like being stood on by a stiletto shoe, worn by a fat lady.
That’s not from personal experience, having not been with a dominatrix, but I wanted to try to describe it.
Being fully aware that it was going to knock me out in around 15 seconds, I knew it would soon pass, but Christ, it was a long 15 seconds, I can assure you.

They used, at my request a different anaesthetic, and far less of it, given my detailed description of my last mentally disturbed awakening, and subsequent few days of craziness.
I’m also not pressing the button that delivers more drug, unless I really need to, it all leading to loss of peristalsis and consequent constipation.

Also I did not feel any desire to look at my phone and read any messages, which was an obsession last time around.

The downside is that I realised soon that I am now paralysed down my left side, and can’t use my left arm at all.

That’s a bit of a loss…..

I’ll get used to it, I’m sure.

Ok, that was a joke ( a sick one ) too, for sure….

I’m in ICU for tonight, Dani was here for a few hours, and I was cheerful.
After an hour or so, she said that she had something bad to tell me.

Baited breath moment.. followed by ‘ I’ve crashed your car’
Obviously, my wife is one of the best drivers in the world, and faultless in every way behind the wheel – you only have to ask her and she’ll confirm that.

My face showed no reaction as she explained, badly, how she’d crashed into a large Luton van.
I listened intently as she carefully justified how it had happened, it being the fault of 3 motorcyclists quite some distance away, by the sounds of it.
Her discomfort of her confession to an element of it being actually possibly her driving error, and the torture she felt in telling me that it was actually TEN DAYS AGO, was something that I’ll relive in massive amusement for the rest of my life.

As I actually don’t care at all about cars, it wouldn’t bother me if she’d accidentally driven it off a cliff, but Dani obviously can’t relate to my complete indifference.

Obviously I mentioned that it meant that when I come out of hospital, I’ll not even have a car, further increasing my lack of mobility options.

Further visible squirming by Dani ensued.

Further internal self amusement for me.


Given that I drive it, and steer with one hand only, holding onto a steering wheel ball, and can’t turn my body to look behind me at all, and I haven’t crashed it,or indeed my last car, in 2 years, I’ve done ok.

She did say that although the ‘collision’ was at about 3 mph, the van driver jumped out and said ‘ you’ve really hurt my neck’ …personal injury Insurance scam to follow, no doubt.

As you’ll hopefully realise, I am alive and ‘well’, though looking forward to leaving here.

These few weeks have been ok.
Quite a few people have visited me, and I’ve had some pretty lively conversations.

If anybody has a inkling to visit me, then please do – I do not need to be left alone ‘ to rest ‘
I’m not tired, I’m not exhausted, I’m upbeat and I like seeing people a lot.

Just text me to say you’re coming though.
Visitors are a bit like London buses, you know the expression – you don’t see one for ages and then 4 turn up at once…

There are no set visiting hours here, so I have all day to fill, and I really don’t get off on watching the telly.

Thanks for reading 🙂

5 thoughts on “Oh no.

  1. One assumes that Danni is ok!

    I remember many years ago, I was on my way to work it was 06:00am….when I drove onto black ice, my car hit railings sent me around in circles and I ended up facing the wrong way on the Clarence Rd round a bout! I eventually got myself home shaking and shivering I looked at my little car drivers side ok but not the passengers side.
    Geoffs answer when I told him ” Are you ok? Dont worry about the car, you’re the important one!”


    1. I’m not sorry about the car.
      I don’t give a monkey’s.
      If Dani had blown it up with dynamite, I’d smile.
      We have Uber in London, and buses too!

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