Not this time either.

( This post was written in the morning of Sunday July 23rd, after I had calmly ended my life, approximately 11 hours before. I can only vaguely remember writing it, and didn’t know ( by far ) the ¬†full extent of what had happened to me, because I simply couldn’t remember any of the aftermath )

Trust me to employ a carer that has worked in paramedics. When she heard my altered breathing at 1am and investigated, she found me lying in blood sodden bed sheets.

I was apparently taken by the Air Ambulance, but i remember nothing at all.

For better or for worse, I am alive because of Stella’s actions. I certainly didn’t expect or want to wake up, not this time.

Am i glad I’m alive ? No, I’m not, but I do realise that a few other people don’t want me dead.

What rollercoaster I ride.

Im sorry though for taking a few others on the trip with me.

And for wasting such a valuable resource


3 thoughts on “Not this time either.

  1. Russ,

    I read this message and it had a physical impact on me – not so much my blood running cold as it rushing to my head so I could feel it in my face and hear it pounding in my ears.

    I have no words.

    I feel the weight of your pain so acutely.

    I know you feel differently, but I am oh so glad your carer was there to save your life.

    You are so loved .


  2. Shocking read this time! Hope you’re recovering well, despite your own indifference! What was the problem?

    Auntie Mary

  3. Hi Russ

    We are glad you are alive. Well done to your Carer. We are your friends and we are sad to hear this. Please email Darren and I we be glad to talk to you.

    My husband is the guy on the walking stick and I am the chatterbox from the Health Club.

    Take care

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