What you, as a Male, have to ask them, as females, is ‘ how was your day?’
I can absolutely say, that in all my 51 years i had NEVER, until the last 2 days, asked anyone that question. In fact, on thinking about it, I realised and remember that when I was asked it, and it’s definitely only by females, I’d always think ‘ what kind of vague question is that, it’s a bit of a cop out sort of question that you’d ask if you weren’t really interested in thinking of a more specific and interesting question to ask me ‘ So (for me ) it was a slightly irritating thing to ask, and I’d always just say ‘ it was fine, thanks’ and that was it, as I just wanted to move on..to something less tedious and more exact.
I don’t know if all men think this way? Possibly or probably not – no idea, as I haven’t asked anyone Male, but it’s now apparent to me that for 50% of the population it’s the most important question a man could ask, and it would never lose that priority.
One of the several ‘ reasons ‘ ( in the divorce petition from my Ex ) was this same thing. I wasn’t asking her how her day had been…I remember reading that bit and thinking that it was a really strange thing to have in there, as I hadn’t asked that question once in 28 or so years, so why was it suddenly an issue? Well suddenly now I think I get it. I think it was probably in there as a terrible crime for a man to commit, though only 50% of the world would even be aware that it was remotely bad?! So any female lawyer or Judge would definitely get it, as probably would any Male divorce lawyer, as presumably they are used to it being a ‘crime against the wife’. Presumably the Ex was advised to include it in the petition by her lawyer, as i’d certainly never said it to her, and she wasn’t in the habit of asking me either, and that’s a definite ( although obviously she might have a different recollection, depending on the ‘ level of honesty ‘ expressed )
Anyway, I digress. What’s obvious is that men and women don’t think in the same way. What to a man (me) might be the world’s dullest question, is to a woman an opportunity to talk and ( more importantly ) be listened to, as that’s what they like a lot, and is usually the war cry ‘ YOU NEVER LISTEN ‘ ( meaning ‘ you don’t care about me’ ). To repeat, a man doesn’t have to actually say anything- just listen to the words ( or appear to ) that pour out of her lovely ( ish ) mouth. No advice or ‘ help’ is required- if you do that then you are effectively saying that you know better than her how to run her life… which is offensive to her, even though your motives are good.
So then, what a man can’t say is ‘ well I was only trying to help!’ ( as that’s what he thought she was asking for ) as that means you ‘ just don’t get it, do you, you condescending bas**** !’
What a complicated dynamic it is?! I was talking to my Male help about this, and he said ‘ and then there’s the one week in every 4 when everything you say is wrong anyway, plus the effects of the full moon…’ I think it would help if ladies told their men about the dates of their monthly cycle and we all knew about the lunar calendar too – but there I go again being logical and ‘finding a solution ‘ which is probably not what they want to hear either.
So id say it’s probably impossible to ‘ get on’ all of the time, but again knowledge is power.
Of course the other thing is that the ladies could also read the book to find out how a man thinks. I got my copy from my girlfriend, who definitely rated it very highly.
That might be regarded as an unrealistic expectation, depending on the calendar.. he wrote humorously ( for the benefit of any and all doubt )
I know for one that I am wiser for my read.
* post absolutely not meant to belittle the effects of the menstrual cycle or menopause, which I know are many, though am no expert on.