From midnight til 5 am my spasms continued. After that I fell asleep, which has to happen at some point. Poor Dani was kept awake too .

It’s now 1pm and my legs are still jerking

It makes going to work very difficult, so I haven’t.

I recall reading an article about sleep deprivation on rats.  The poor lil’ buggers were kept awake all the time.  They found that contrary to expectations they remained really active, and were physically I’m great shape, compared to the ‘normally sleeping control group ‘

Then, one by one, they all just dropped dead.

Today I have an appointment with my psychiatrist – what a mess I’m in overall.

15 thoughts on “Monday

  1. Hi, I found your blog through Sheera. Just wanted to say your strength in dealing with your struggles is inspirational. May God bless you and make it easier for you.

  2. Hi Russel,

    I found your blog through Sheera. And all I can say is, I can’t imagine what you’re going through-but I can tell you this: there are tests in life that we all have to face, hardships and difficulties. Sometimes, it seems like others can’t possibly have it worse than us. At that time, I’ve found that it’s always helpful and beneficial to look at those that DO have it worse than us, look for those people, and we learn how to be grateful. When we’re grateful, we build our mental strength, and suddenly, we see possibilities that haven’t been there before.
    Other times, we just want to forget about everyone and just think about ourselves–and that’s okay. I’ve found that when we allow ourselves to do that in limits, we can get back up stronger.
    But reading through these raw, honest entires shows that there is beautiful resilience in that wonderful mind of yours, sir. I admire it greatly.
    It’s ok to fall down, Russel, and to be frustrated and anxious and helpless. But when you feel helpless, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and force yourself to clear your mind. Meditate. Pray if you’re a praying man. And just be. You’ll be back on track in no time.

    (I’m sincerely sorry if anything I said was out of line. I’m glad we were linked to this, else I wouldn’t have found such inspiration and such raw human-ness so beautifully untwined together. Thank you for being you and I wish you all the best. I’m not sure if you’re religious, but the best thing I can offer you from the bottom of my heart are prayers for your strength. There’s a verse in the Qur’an that says: “God does not burden a soul more than it can bear.” I truly believe this, we are all strong enough to take what comes at us, and it makes us stronger. You’re blessed, as crazy as it sounds. All our trials make us blessed people, because they make us a little more human. I wish you all the best.)

  3. Hey,

    Sheera mentioned to have a look at your blog. It’s great to see you showing such amazing strength, keep up the spirit and May God bless you.

    Take care

  4. Hi Russell! My dear friend Sheera mentioned what an inspiring person you are and I can plainly see why! In spite of the significant struggles you are facing every single day you still find the strength and the courage to write about your life. I’m in awe of your determination to carry on and just mentioned your name in prayer. I pray that God grants you every need and desire that you ask for and that your body is miracously healedand restored! Continue to inspire just by being you.

  5. Wow your writing is amazing! I found your blog through Sheera, and I’m glad I did. I’m truly speechless and all I can say is stay strong and keep your hopes up. God will always be there for you even when your not there for yourself…. I hope that things soon get easier for you… Much respect – Maya

  6. Get well Soon ,and may Allah grant you the serenityy to conquer all difficulties. Stay strong Allah saves the best for you ahead! I found your blog through Sheera’s Instagram❤

  7. Hey Russell,

    Found your blog through Sheera. Just read through some of your page and I really feel for you, but at the same time I strongly admire you. Your strength is inspirational. I ask God that He grants you ease as soon as possible.

    Stay strong!

  8. Found your blog from shreena, reading all these posts just proves how strong you are, it’s so touching to read I hope you continue, my prayers and thoughts are with you always ☺️

  9. Oh no still being kept awake! as if you haven’t been through enough! Russ you are a truly wonderful person! I honestly hope things get easier for you. Much love. Sheera.

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