Last night in my home.

And suddenly its our last night in our dream house.

None of us want to leave.

I have until 11am in the morning before I drive to Essex, for my Living Independently course.

I hope that I don’t ever have to actually live alone, all by myself… I don’t ever want that to happen, and can’t imagine that it would come to pass (Mind you, I didn’t see paralysis coming either) though my long suffering wife from time to time looks like she’s had enough  – and who frankly could blame her ?

Ive had a lot of lows recently, only seeing the negatives in my life, mostly connected with my seemingly hurried forced goodbye to the trappings of my only too recent old life.

To just move on and get over it is so hard for me. It’s not easy to forget who and how i was only a little over a year ago.

I’m Surrounded by capable and caring people, and am in the most uncomfortable situation of wanting them all to go away, yet needing them desperately at the same time. If any of them read this, please don’t actually go… I love you all dearly.

Work is a challenge for sure, I’m managing regular days, and I’m  told it really helps, yet fear that my influence from my chair is too little.

That argument is countered by the Frank Williams story, who from a wheelchair managed to build and run one of the most successful motor racing teams in history.

So far, I’m more Spencer than Williams, but who knows what the future holds.



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