Last night

Despite not drinking any fluid after 6pm last night, and ‘producing’ 2 litres of wee,, I managed to wet my bed twice in the night. 

It may signal that I have a bladder infection .. Hope not. 

I can’t tell if I need to go now, I just have to guage when I probably should and then utilise disinfectant wipes and a catheter. It’s not pleasant but I’ve no choice. 
As the nurse changed my sheets at 4.30 am I was aware that I could hear the dawn chorus of birdsong for the first time since June. 
I reflected on life before, how easy it was. 
Needing a wee in the night would involve slipping out of bed, 5 seconds to the loo, then back into a warm bed, the sound of Dani’s quiet breathing lulling me to sleep. 
I could turn over in bed easily and silently. 
Now it involves grabbing the bed rail, pulling myself to a sitting position, shifting my bum up and sideways from a 2 armed push on the rails, then sort of crashing back down on one side. 
Life without abdominal use is tricky. 
I felt sad, but this time didn’t cry. 
Yet another morning without seeing my girls arrived. 
Another day closer to them seeing their broken Dad more often. 

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