So…. all change, all of a sudden.
‘ Rehab’ / medical help has been postponed for 3-4 months, on the basis that my fixations are too fragile to test in an environment where I’d be, by definition, encouraged to test them by trying to move.
Now it’s become a ‘ get me back to Chiswick ASAP ‘ exercise, with a package of care from NHS or private funding ( 2 people ) that includes getting me dressed/ out of bed at a time of their availability / into the wheelchair/ cleaned/ ‘ internally emptied ‘ / helped back into bed, at a time of their availabity ( 7/8 pm ) , for the next 3/4 months until my screws have properly set into my spine.
I cant transfer, by myself ( not that I can anyway now, such is the rigidity of my fixation ) into a car or normal taxi, let alone drive myself, as I have been doing for 2 and a half years.
I face a life spent in bed, more often than out of it, totally dependent on ‘carers’ and the obligation/ charity of others.
I came here with spasms, I leave here robbed of so much of what I had left. That wasn’t the plan. And I still have spasms!
Do I sue for damages? If I ‘ win ‘, what does money buy me? I’ve never cared about money in any way at all – I was the same level of happiness when I was a poor student, as when I was ‘ successful ‘
I’ve experienced a massive revival over the last 5 weeks, where I’ve felt happiness again, as I never thought I would. My light was switched back on.
Now I feel it flickering again.
If it goes out, then I fear that it can’t be reversed – not this time.
Thanks to Ed, my visitor today, when I thought I wouldn’t see another familiar face. Friends since Cardiff Uni, he still looks like he’s 15, just wearing more expensive shirts.