Last night I fell out of my chair.
I tipped back, to get over a doorway threshold, thinking a friend was holding the handles, but they weren’t.
I hit the back of my head pretty hard, and my left elbow too.
It was in a crowded bar, all seated.
I’d already felt pretty self conscious, as it seemed like half of them had to get up and move, just for me to get through.
Then when I went flying, I found myself sprawled on the floor.
I can feel my head and arms, but lots of the rest of me I can’t, so when I opened my eyes I remember thinking ‘ what are my legs doing over there?’
I’ve not fallen out in public before, and it felt awful.
I felt helpless ( and I was ).
Of course my mates picked me up and put me back in the chair, but the damage was done and I didn’t really recover after that.
When I got back at about 11.15, I just completely broke down, and cried probably more than, and for longer, than I ever have.
I don’t want my daughters to have half a dad, and that thought wouldn’t go away, and won’t now, this morning.
I suppose the argument is that half a dad is better than no dad….. But the Voice in my head says that the memory of the Whole dad is preferable to having what they’ve got now.