I can’t say I’ve had the best week of my last 3 years, indeed it included my lowest of low moments, but I do seem to have bounced back to a degree ( with a bit – actually a lot – of help from my friends )
The details would make very grim reading, and I won’t depress myself by reminding myself of them at this time.
I’ve filled my last few days with as much distraction as possible, including driving a fair way to meet up with my school friends Stu and Anne, and Triking as much as possible.
Big thanks to a lot of people for their help past my 3 year anniversary crisis, particularly Dani,Glen, Marta and John, my daughters, Cress, Kev, Pia, Cliff,Cherie, Dan, my brothers, Dan and Mike J.. as well as a lot of messages from a lot of people.
That day weighed very heavily on me indeed, both in the build up to it, as well as its arrival.
I’ve obviously been buoyed by Wales storming through Euro 16, ahead of England, and surprised myself by my enthusiasm for the tournament, having never been even remotely interested in football.
There’s little better than witnessing the discomfort of the English, when Wales are in the driving seat.
I have had to have a rethink about the Meaning of Life, where applicable to me, and then decide how to proceed.
I think I know what the correct choices are, going forward, and I have things to aim for, again.
I have not had any significant calamities in the last few days, which has helped a lot, though the spasms continue as per usual.
I’ve accepted resumption of anti depressants ( slightly reluctantly ) as an aid to reducing the amount of negativity that floats around my consciousness and attacks me from all angles, like a team of invisible Ninjas with loudhailers.
I’d not seem my buddy, Stu, for 15 years or more. Stu had more than bad luck as a kid, and then more as a youth, losing his leg after an accident. He more than bravely fought back and has made a real success of life, against heavy odds.
Now that I am disabled, I understand his pain, then, so much better, as he understands my own, now. The emotional strain of disability doesn’t go away, ever, Stu told me ( not that I ever thought it would ) but victories are still possible, as unlikely as they might seem at the moment.
I look forward to the possibility of easier and better times, though I understand that it’s only my mindset that may have changed, and nothing else.
Whilst at Stu and Anne’s, they mentioned the ornate, silver, antique ice bucket that I’d bought them for their wedding, quite a while ago.
I thought it a good time to confess ( 20 plus years later ) to the truth.
Dani and I had arrived at their wedding reception and seen the large pile of gifts in one corner of the room.
I was carrying the wrapped up wooden salad bowl and serving spoon set.
I spotted the hard to miss antique ice bucket, the buyers of which had been so proud of their own gift that they had not wrapped it, and instead only attached a ‘love from’ label to.
It took a few seconds for me to swap the labels around….
I felt no shame, even upon receiving a gushing letter of thanks a few weeks later, plus numerous references, over the years, to my generosity.
I did wonder ( briefly ) who was thanked for the IKEA salad bowl set, but didn’t waste too much energy on that… as the deed was already done.
If it was you, I’m sorry ..OK!