I’m not feeling it.

I would say that the search for that elusive thing called happiness is eluding me. There is very little that is right about my life, and nothing that I wouldn’t change if I was able to. For sure, there are those worse off than me, but I struggle with the concept of feeling grateful for what I have left.

I get recurring dark thoughts that feature my demise, and also about the twice that I definitely should have died already, namely my crash and my brush with drowning a couple of years ago. My thoughts always end with a regret that I survived, rather than feeling fortunate that I did.

My temporary live in carer is well intentioned, for sure, but as company falls very short, due to us having nothing at all in common, other than the place in which we both live. The agency IS looking for someone else who will fit better, and I definitely need to get a proper girlfriend I think.

Perhaps my thoughts are influenced by my UTI – well it would make sense that they were – but it’s impossible to say that at this precise moment.

It’s a bank holiday, I believe. What I wouldn’t do to have a holiday from being bloody paralysed – just for a few days.

2 thoughts on “I’m not feeling it.

  1. Hi Russ, So sorry you’re feeling down and it’s completely understandable. Let’s hope your UTI shifts soon and that a new sympatico carer makes the world seem sweeter.

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