Getting my shit in order.

Today I have lung function tests to see if I can breathe by myself through my surgery, or whether it’s best to put me on a respirator for the duration, in case I kick it suddenly. I use the phrase ‘ kick it ‘ loosely, since I can’t kick anything, obviously.

The operation date is now expected to be September 24th.

Its going to take him about 7 hours, and be very involved, and obviously very traumatic for my rather long suffering body, which can feel the pain that im not actually conscious of.

This week my bolts and screws are moving all the time, and i’m definitely not ‘ well’. I look ill ( apparently ) and am losing weight ( muscle ). The internal inflammation is taking its toll on me.

I feel like I’m sort of on fire inside, though i can’t properly feel it at all – it’s just ‘ there’. My spasms give away that I’m in pain that I cannot feel.

At the same time I’m being ‘ harassed ‘ to appear in post matrimonial court, actually when I’m due to be in Intensive Care…. well that’s not really going to be very likely,  is it?  It’s been suggested that I ‘ appear by phone ‘ … from ICU? Whilst on hallucinating opiate painkillers ? Mmmm – not really legal to start with…..

Seriously, someone from my past needs to give me a break here, I feel.

Some things are  even more important than money….imagine that ( if you will ).

Talking Wills, ive just altered mine again to reflect recent ( well since December 2017 ) events.

Its important to have these things in order before you go into surgery like this – in fact they ask you to make sure you have, so I have.

There are always Winners and Losers in every eventuality, aren’t there?

Thanks so much to my fantastic carer, Laura, who has been just brilliant these last few weeks. And thanks to Hanna, for introducing her to me.

11 thoughts on “Getting my shit in order.

  1. Yes I am no Shrinking Violet. The last couple of years when Philip was seriously ill I had to stick up for him and myself with Consultants and any one that annoyed me. I wasn’t going to let any one walk all over Philip or myself. The Doctor said to me a couple of weeks ago that I stood my ground. I will wait until I get the questionnaire to fill in and then decide what to put. If i am having a bad day I will probably let them have it. Yesterday was quite a bad day but today I feel more positive. Thank you for replying back to me as I know I hijacked your post. You always give me the inspiration to get through another day when i feel down. Love Margaret x x x

  2. I will be thinking of you on the 24th. it is a day after my Husband died a year ago. I can’t believe all the different emotions that I have been through over the past year. I have just finished 8 sessions of Counselling and the last session wasn’t what I had expected. I thought when I left he would say something like “I hope you get on OK” or something like that but he didn’t. He seemed to dismiss me. He left me feeling quite depressed the next day. Hope you don’t mind me hijacking your post but had to tell some one. Love to you Margaret x x x

      1. Russ, my Husband’s name was Philip. Writing this makes me feel sad. I can’t believe it has been nearly a year ago since he died. They say time heals but it doesn’t. Some times I feel OK and think I am getting over it and then what happened with the Counsellor makes me feel depressed again. There have been a few times he has been a bit irritable about things I have said and I don’t know if that is part of the therapy or not. Perhaps on the last session if he had been quite friendly I would have missed having Counselling with him. At least the way he acted doesn’t make me want to see him again. Love to you Margaret x x x

        1. Margaret,

          I don’t know… it doesn’t seem that appropriate that he was rude. I’m sure a sympathetic ear is more of a useful tactic.
          If you see him again, perhaps tell him he’s a shite counsellor?
          Philip – Lovely name.
          Id rather you referred to him by name in future.
          A year – of hurt . It’ll get easier, but you won’t forget him, let’s face it. Do dwell on the lovely memories as much as you can.

          1. I have woken up this morning feeling a lot better. Yes he was rude and when i receive a questionnaire to fill in I will put what I think about him. You are very kind to take the trouble to answer back seeing as i had hi jacked your post Some days it is easy and i think i have got over all the pain then something comes along and knocks me for six. I will be thinking about you on the 24th and would like to come and see you when you get out of Hospital. Yes I will think about the good times Philip and I shared and I am lucky that my Son and Daughter in Law only live round the corner. Loving him was easy, losing him was hard. Love to you Margaret x x x

          2. Margaret,
            As you are certainly no shrinking violet, I imagine you’ll write what you thought quite ‘ accurately’ ! Go on girl, you tell him straight. …
            We both know the nature of Up and Down days, and how sadness can strike very suddenly, and then pass for a while.
            Ride the sad days and wait for the sun to call out again.
            Invariably it does x

  3. I’m so glad to hear that you’ve found a great carer, at this incredibly trying time. (Has that person got a link to your medical records to be able to synchronise legal actions with your operations?????)
    Anyway, good to know you’ve now got a date for the op and you can get your mind set for it. Courage, mon brave. x

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