My slide into morbidity ( I now appreciate ) had been preceded and accompanied by a period of pretty consistent alcohol consumption. I’m no stranger to drinking, and pre injury there was no real downside- I didn’t even get hangovers that dented me in any significant way. Back then I was very stable, and had nothing to complain about, after all.
Now things are very different. I have lots to complain ( internally ) about, and I am not stable. Let’s face it… I’ve got a fair bit of shit going down.
I now think that drinking when unhappy is the worst thing that I can do. It doesn’t make me think particularly bouyant thoughts, and if I drink a lot it definitely makes me markedly depressed. The next day, things seem even worse, and of course then the temptation is to have another drink to cheer yourself up…. except in my case it doesn’t work like that – it simply makes it / me worse.
A few days off and I have very much bounced back. I’m going to a party today, and it’ll be full of alcohol, as always. I’m not going to drink anything alcoholic, and I’ll see what happens. I think I have sufficient personality to not need the prop of alcohol, and since I already have Tourette’s tendencies, I m not exactly dull… aka a bit of a liability as it is.
I also ( at last ) see my daughters tomorrow, so I can do without being under a negative cloud to begin with.
Will I ever drink again? Of course I bloody will, but I think I now know when NOT to drink.
Obviously I’ll be healthier and less prone to putting on weight too, so it’s a bit of a no brainer as a choice, at least for a while.
Thanks to those who got in touch after my last desperate post, which doesn’t make fine reading. I could of course delete it, but then I’d be disguising my reality, and that’s not the point of this diary.