It’s not just a bad mood.

imageAmanda, Caitlin and myself hosted a Suicide Awareness Prevention Ride today. We packed out the room and steamed up the mirrors for a cause close to all our hearts. xx


The message was from Clair, who,  along with lots of others, rode a  hard class to raise awareness of this sadly common phenomenon.

People commit suicide all the time, for all sorts of reasons – most of those reasons being hard to fathom by those left behind.

Surely life can’t have been that bad?

What about the turmoil you’ve caused by your ‘selfish action’ ?  People say that to guilt the suicidal person into not doing it, ‘ taking the cowardly way out ‘.

I can tell you that it doesn’t feel cowardly, on the contrary it feels brave, having a firm and steadfast belief that you’re about to do the best thing,  the right thing for everyone.

When you get past that moment, and see more rationally that yes,  you might be doing what’s best for you ( in your opinion ) but it  leaves chaos and despair behind that may persist for many years, then the selfishness of the act is apparant.

The trouble is that clarity of thought doesn’t figure high on the menu of person in danger – the voice in your head that tells you it’s the right thing is very calm and convincing, almost without emotion and therefore logical at the time.

I think before my accident I’d be the last person you’d think of that would consider taking my own  life. I’ve known only a few people that have,  and couldn’t understand why on earth they did it, as on the outside they appeared way too sensible to do it, and had no good reason to either.

I think most people could realise why I’ve thought that way very often. It’s pretty common for victims of paralysis to do it, and absolutely standard to think about it at the very least. On the outside I rarely appear to be depressed, and almost certainly not suicidal, but if it was that obvious to people, then all the suicidee’s ought be stopped in time.

By the same token there are lots of miserable bastards out there that complain about everything,  all of the time ( yet wanna stick around for ever )

At the present time I’m ok, and can see a future ahead as a Dad, a husband, a brother, a son, a friend, a colleague ( delete as applicable ) but I certainly don’t always feel that way.

These days I look at people differently, and certainly don’t view the world through rose tinted glasses ( as I used to )   There are a lot of unhappy people out there, and it’s easy for The Happy to dismiss their worries as insignificant.

Sometimes until it’s too late.


1 thought on “It’s not just a bad mood.

  1. Russ lovely, please re-read this post of yours. I know you’re in agony at the moment, but I am so worried you will do something dreadful and hurt so many people.
    Feb 15, 2016

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