Am feeling down today.
Depressed/ low/ sad.
Why today and not other days, I don’t know.
There was a moment, an hour ago. I’d gone to the Guttman leisure centre ‘ home of the Paralympic Movement’ for a group Fitness Class.
We did shuttles, sprints, chases, even the Bleep Test.
In my past life I’d have been pretty good at that. Now, my small lungs and beginners chair make it tough to be even 60% as fast as some others are. But I was better than last time.
There follows a ‘hill’ to be climbed back up to the hospital.
Next to the entrance there are a few wheelie bins. I had to stop to catch my breath, holding up a few others.
I moved aside to let them past, and stayed where I was for a few minutes.
I reflected on what my life has become.
In my chair, part human, part inanimate object. The wheelie bins took on a new significance. Filled with society’s rubbish, I felt no more important than them.
Tears ran down my face, as they do now.
Anybody who thinks I’m brave is wrong.