Monthly Archives: May 2018

In reply to Sky.

As I am not welcome in her home any longer I have the difficulty of getting somewhere to stay, after traveling alone to london. It’s all fraught with complications and things can go wrong very very easily. I do however have somewhere to stay until Monday. A friend has come to my aid.
I would seem to now be a bad person, having been an amazing one only yesterday.
Ashley is a recovering/ recovered drug addict. I know they see the world differently to other people.
Discussions aren’t easy. All modes of conversation are labelled by those that have been in therapy.
Therefore I am apparently-
Playing the victim
Being passive aggressive
Being controlling
Being manipulative

Being on my pity pot
Playing the disabled card
Being angry
Needing therapy
Twisting everything
Being selectively forgetful in my memory
Using people
Apparently I think I’m a saint and everyone else is to blame for everything.
There are a lot of other things that I apparently do too but I can’t remember them all.
Im sure this is great ammunition for anyone who needs justification not to like me, but hey, I’m happy to talk about it, as I do about everything else, in this diary.
Ive learned another lesson.
It’s back to the drawing board and finding a girl.
At least I now have this list of faults that I can hand over.
I might prepare a leaflet so I can hand it over to potential dates.
It’s very sobering to realise I’m as bad as all that, but I guess it must be true, right?

Im sure thé action of writing this will merit another unpleasant label from my former lover, and I’ll tell you what it is once I know.


I came back to Britain, for a skin cancer appointment that then got cancelled.

Ashley and I met up with my parents and then went to see a band in central London. It was held in a Gay Club in town, my first ever foray into such a place, actually.

As the band started early, it wasn’t really operating as a Gay Club, until long after the band finished, and our tickets only allowed us to watch the band ( Pale Waves ) rather than to hang on for Porn Idol, a Male only striptease competition. As the band weren’t much cop ( 4/10 ) thé strip would’ve been a lot better probably, but it wasn’t to be.

Tonight was supposed to be Marti Pellow, but instead Ashley and i failed to see eye to eye on something and have now split up. Isn’t life full of surprises, he wrote with sadness. It had all seemed so near perfect, too.

There is no point in crying over spilt milk, he said mewing loudly, but hey.

God, I really don’t want to go back on line. I thought that was all behind me 🙁

Not good. My email to Faro airport sent just now.


My name is Russell Dawkins and today I am Travelling on Easyjet flight EZY2018 to Luton, scheduled at 16.00.
I have travelled here frequently before my paralysis in 2013, and since, in my wheelchair.
I have always been impressed by the manner of your staff, and how helpful they are – far better than at any other airport I use.
Today my view has been changed, however.

As always I have to go through passport control and have my bags checked. I have 2 bags attached to my electric wheelchair which are designed not to come off, as otherwise they might fall off when I am traveling, or when my wheelchair is in the hold of an airplane. I’m sure you understand that being paralysed I cannot just simply get up and carry everything with me. I truly wish I could.
Flying is never a pleasant experience for me, as a Paralysed person. Before my injury I always enjoyed flying.

I kept notes as I went along today- see below.

‘Having unbelievable trouble with some  a horrible customs guy that wants to cut off all my wheelchair bags.
The police are now involved.
The customs official in question was Andre Catala.

Im through now
A bit ***** off.
Sad how an incident like this changes your view of a nation of people.

I hope he felt embarrassed after I’d offered to remove my colostomy bag and pull my catheter out.

The stress I feel as a consequence of this incident is significant. My body is now severely spasming, which happens when I am emotionally very stressed, which then adds to the stress I feel, and so continues the cycle. If I could get away from the airport I would. If I had the option of cancelling my trip then I would. Flying is always unpleasant for me, as I feel like a nuisance and a burden to other people, always, and this incident will add to my dread of flying ( which I have to overcome every time )

Hitler is alive and well and working as a customs official in Faro airport.’

I have never before been treated badly or unreasonably by any airport staff.  The bag he insisted be removed was a small one, barely larger than my hand, and completely empty.

Mr Catala has a very bad attitude, and an unpleasant manner. He is unbending and unreasonable. It was obvious that this tiny bag was empty and not a security risk in any way. I understand that rules have to be followed, but there has to exist some flexibility for disabled passengers.
I felt victimised and persecuted. This man should not be allowed to deal with the public. He does nothing for the image of the country of Portugal.

I trust you will treat this complaint very seriously.
I do expect a favourable and considerate response to a traveller and home owner in your country.

Russ Dawkins


I do receive some interesting information by email…

But please don’t shoot ( over ) the messenger!


Spit or swallow, it’s definitely a personal choice, but the facts are that swallowing your partner’s cum is actually good for you!

Whats so good about Semen?

We all know that semen contains sperm cells, but that is less than one percent of what makes up semen. 80% of semen is water (I’m not claiming it will help with hydration here) but the other ingredients Semen include are fructose (sugar), prostaglandin, vitamin C, zinc, protein, lactic acid, magnesium, calcium chloride, citric acid, creatine, potassium, vitamin B12, sodium, nitrogen, and phosphorus.

Sounds pretty good! Also for those worried about weight gain, a man’s ejaculate contains approx 5 to 25 calories. No, I am not recommending this as a fad new diet but it isn’t fattening!
So that’s the cum ingredients, how exactly can it help?

Better Sleep

Semen contains melatonin which is a chemical that induces sleep and relaxation. Whether you ingest it or receive it through intercourse, it will enter your bloodstream and help you doze off. The perfect sleep aid.

Better Mood

Semen is a natural anti-depressant. Studies have shown that semen can elevate your mood and even reduces suicidal thoughts!

Semen includes mood enhancers such as NGF, Oxytocin, progesterone, endorphins, prolactin, THR and serotonin. All of which are mood enhancers. NGF has potent antidepressant and cognitive enhancing effects.

Helps with anxiety

Semen consists of anti-anxiety hormones such as oxytocin, serotonin, and progesterone. There is also a claim that semen’s high antioxidant levels lower anxiety by helping with oxidative stress, which is when your body has too many free radicals.

Your daily Multivitamin

One teaspoon of semen contains a crazy amount of proteins, vitamins, and minerals. Over 200 proteins in fact and vitamins and minerals including vitamin C, calcium, chlorine, citric acid, fructose, lactic acid, magnesium, nitrogen, phosphorus, potassium, sodium, vitamin B12, and zinc. The amounts of each vitamin will vary from one male’s semen to another depending on age and health, but there is usually a significant amount of zinc present, which is an antioxidant that helps slow down the ageing process. So not only is it full of vitamins it can help us look younger for longer!

Lower blood pressure

A recent study suggests that swallowing semen on a regular basis can lower your blood pressure. Women who swallow their male mate’s sperm during oral sex often have a much lower risk of getting preeclampsia — a complication during pregnancy that results in super-high blood pressure.

So whats not to love, Happy Swallowing!


So there you go then! Argument over?


A memorable day indeed.

So it’s the Royal Wedding today, I’ve just found out! Brilliant stuff – just got it on the telly now.

I’m a bit confused to be honest though. All these people are talking about the Prince marrying a black lady? I’ve looked at a few pictures of Megan M and she definitely is not black?! She’s whiter than I am, with a Welsh name too!  Am I the only one to realise?

Surely if they want to celebrate the minority and diversity aspect, we should focus on the Ginger angle. I mean since when has a Ginga attracted so much popularity? Never mind the black equality thing, that’s had enough coverage surely? I say that it’s far more of a seminal moment that a ginger person has managed to pull such a cutie, and that his wedding is actually on the telly, watched by zillions of  normal non ginger people.

For decades gingers have been shunned for the disability, but today the world has made a massive step forward. I’m sure in some countries they’ve used clever CGI to alter the TV broadcast to give him black hair, but here in the civilised world, there has been no attempt to hide the reality. No hair dye, no head shave, no brown wig – just unashamed full frontal Ging exposure.

The cynic in me suspects that other forces are at play though. By forcing him to marry a black ( allegedly ) girl, it is a scurrilous plot to once and for all kill off the Hewitt ginger gene. We all know it’s impossible to give birth to black kids with ginger hair, eliminating the shame once and for all.

I’ve noticed that although there are at least 20% black people in the guest list, there are NO ginger people. Harry is the ONLY gingaminga in da house  today. I mean, Oprah is there, Idris Elba ( another black taff ) but where is Ed Sheeran?!

Perhaps the world has not moved on as much as it first appears then, and this could be the last hurrah for the Carrots.

I suppose it’s better than him being assassinated like his poor Mum anyway.

Right, off to make a carrot cake to have later, by way of celebration.


I tried to complete a survey just now..

…. on the impact of cycle lanes in London, to the elderly and the disabled.

I had to abandon my attempt and instead write in… see below.

Dear Sirs/ TfL

I have just tried to complete your (smart)  survey about walking and cycling in london, and the consequences to the disabled and elderly.
Somewhat shockingly, after ticking the boxes that said I was disabled and in a wheelchair, it asked me how often I walked for 20 Minutes and how often I rode a bicycle.
Please note that the paralysed wheelchair users of this world sadly don’t have the option of either, and it’s a tad insensitive of yourselves to not have a slightly ‘ smarter ‘ survey tool that takes me to an ‘ adjusted’ line of questioning, I’d say, particularly when the survey is specifically aimed at the disabled…
I obviously wasn’t able to complete the survey….
Yours faithfully,
Russ Dawkins
Chiswick W4

Sent from my iPhone 9.6 prototype.

Lifestyle changes…

The first day that my help cycled alongside me, he was struggling a lot after the first hill; in fact on the first hill ( half a mile after we had started ) he was in trouble.

A week on and today we have a 20 mile round cycling trip to the nearest proper Portuguese town, and he evidently can’t wait to start. He’s gone from being nervous about the bike to loving it – all in a week. He hasn’t really had an awful lot of choice really, as to whether he cycles, and I guess there’s always been the option of just refusing to, but that one hasn’t cropped up. In a week his aerobic fitness has improved dramatically and his bike confidence has changed altogether. He started on a teenager’s bike and is now using my mountain bike, with proper gears, a lightweight frame, new cables and an efficient chainset. He is visibly slimmer and more healthy looking, and he says he sleeps much better. He’s also adopted my dietary habits, stopped eating bread and had as little alcohol as I have ie hardly anything.

Overall, I wonder who should be paying who for his trip to The Dawkins Healthfarm…..


My help said something today. He said that ‘ living with me reminded him of his school holidays’.  The cycling, the every day being different, the never keeping still’ ness to it. He’s getting fitter by the day, gets to go exploring, and rides a bike everywhere. 

To be honest, that’s what I’ve always thought, that it shouldn’t really be that much of a chore to live with me as an essential helper, if only you have the right attitude to it.

At last I’ve found someone that does!

Its only taken my about 2 years, and a fair turnover of assistants….. it seems slightly amusing now, but take it from me, it really hasn’t been at times….

Today has been spent fixing stuff and getting a bit organised, so that if something goes wrong, we have strategies that will make things manageable.

Time well spent 🙂

May 15th. 9 am

So my shoulder is better than it was, and I’ve avoided stressing it at all, having some common sense when it comes to that sort of thing. My policy with injured bits has always been to do everything with them that doesn’t actually cause acute pain. That way you are still moving and encouraging blood flow so the bit doesn’t seize up, but you aren’t furthering the injury. Always seems to work for me …

Pain, and types of pain, is something that  I’m not sure is that commonly understood.  If you properly injure yourself ( like tear a muscle ) then you’ll suffer acute/ searing pain thats instantaneous when you use that muscle. Once the injury starts to heal, the pain changes to a different, less painful pain, that is more of an ache when you use the muscle. At that point you are quite safe using that muscle lightly, but not to the extent that you feel that searing pain sensation – that’s where you are causing further injury, and only making it worse again – you have to avoid that!  If you have actually injured yourself properly you’ll always feel that acute, searing pain. If you just wake up and something hurts a bit, without you having felt that pain the day before then you can’t have actually properly injured yourself, can you? You can’t injure yourself whilst asleep, unless you’ve stabbed yourself whilst sleepwalking or something. You might indeed feel pain from something – a trapped nerve, or an ache from exerting yourself the day before, but that’s not the same as being injured. Nothing has been torn or broken overnight whilst you’re in bed – that just doesn’t happen, or it would have woken you up in distress at the time…

Anyway, today I’ll have another go on the Seg and avoid chains. I feel like buying a can of red spray paint and going on a mission to spray all the chains ( that are actually widespread here ) so that further accidents are avoided. My good deed for the day – except I don’t have any paint. I could become a graffiti ‘ist too, and go round ‘ tagging ‘ everything…. I need to come up with a tag. Maybe a leek?

We watched a film last night featuring taggers, in LA. Obviously everyone ended up dead, like all the films I watch (?!) including the goodie, old Samuel L Jackson… he doesn’t normally die in his  films, does he? 187 it was called – good actually!

The sun is shining here, as it has for a while, and things are relaxed for me, or getting that way at least.

That’s gotta be a good thing.