Feeling moderately pleased with myself.
And WHAT A DIFFERENCE IT MAKES !!
It’s funny – and possibly peculiar to me only – but the fasting thing has made me eat even less than usual, which is hardly anything at all, on the non fasting days. Maybe you get conditioned to eating less in general ? I obviously don’t need the calories or I’d be hungry, right ?
Today, having been pretty depressed for the first half of the day, i bought a bottle of wine – all of 1euro spend!? I rallied a lot in my head, and then shared the bottle with Krisztina ( well I had most of it ) and actually watched an upbeat film ! The Wedding Crashers IS v funny, though non PC but the combination was good. It doesn’t mean that I’ll now be having a beer regularly, but who knows, as I definitely don’t do routine.
I come back to Britain briefly on the 3rd, so hopefully that’ll go ok.
K and I tied a large lump of stone to the front of the Segfree to push the centre of gravity forward. Let’s see how that works out…
I thought I’d write a little about my experience with carers, a lot of whom I’ve had. My observations and ( my ) conclusions are as below –
Most carers are happiest of all when doing things with food, as in cooking it. Well all except for Linda, who’d have struggled to make toast ( if I ate toast, which I don’t ). The food thing follows on from the observation that most carers are quite into eating, consuming calories rather than burning them up.
On thé last point, most carers are quite resistant to anything that is more than slightly aerobic’ly taxing. Exceptions have been Stella, who would walk miles, Linda who for a brief period didn’t mind cycling, and Kristina who is good for a few miles on a bicycle too, though having had a few goes would rather not do any more, in spite of it being really helpful to me… The others, without exception, have been fairly horrified by something like a mile of brisk(ish) walking.
Those first 2 points are of course for me both ‘ wrong’ as I don’t care about food, and I always want to be on the move.
Next – all carers ( except Hanna and Kristina) have been obsessed with sleeping ( to various degrees ) and very vocal about how tired they get cooking and not exercising at all.
Then cleaning – all know that that’s part of the remit, but other than Hanna none are really that into it and have to be asked/ reminded to dedicate time to it.
No carers can multitask – odd as that’s supposed to be a girl thing. If I ask for something to be done for me, and add another thing or two while they’re at it, then there is evident discomfort, and then I am actually labelled as being demanding. I know that in the other world of work, as ive had lots of employees, 3 requests at the same time would be pretty normal, but in the world of carers there seem to be different rules, even though it’s a paid job. I don’t think it’s an intelligence thing, as lots are definitely clever, so perhaps it’s just the culture ?
Shit and pee – all excellent at not being fazed at all.
Ironing – all quite into it ( though I don’t care about ironing at all, as I rarely wear shirts )
Washing clothes and laundry – very variable – some find it a massive chore to load the washing machine and then put the same stuff into a tumble dryer about an hour later, and some find it ever so easy ( as I believe it to be )
Watching TV – all excellent, for sure. I’ve never had one that’s been resistant to sitting down to watch a film with me.
Remembering to do things a day or 2 ahead ( perhaps by keeping a to do list ) – generally they’re all not very good to awful at this. When reminded that something hasn’t been done, guess what ? Yep….. I’m demanding ( again )
Making tea – all excellent Asking if i want tea or food – again all excellent
Staying up after 12pm – Hanna and Krisztina gréât , all others really, really don’t cope well, and lose sight of the deal that their job is to enable me to live MY life, and be awake at possibly variable hours. It’s the carers that want a routine that’s repeating, rather than myself – no 2 days are ever the same for me ( well why should they be? )
Thinking like a ( fairly logical ) man – all definitely not. Hanna is closest, but some of the things that have happened / been done by my carers would be pure comedy, if I were to ever write them down, which I never have, for fear of offence being taken.
Always having the mobile in one hand whilst doing a job that needs 2 hands – all 100% excellent.
Being good hearted – without exception all ( except for one, who was most certainly not, but she hadn’t cared before and I believe now has given up that job )
Lateral thinking to resolve a task? Zero ability, so far from any of them. It does amuse me, that part tbh – seeing the complete lack of what to do next’ness. Thankfully I’m there to come up with a solution on most occasions, or I call an able friend who can!
Today I went to the shops on the Segfree – it goes well uphill but slowly down the same hills. As I can’t shift my weight forward enough ( can’t wiggle and can’t bend forward much after all my spinal metalwork ) I think I’ll have to be content with that, unless I strap weight to the front of it, which actually I may well do, thinking about it. The seat does slide forward but it’s already as anterior as it can be – project for me then. Also it desperately needs a handle somewhere closer to the front so that I’d get far more stability, making it feel a lot safer than it does. I think I need my buddy Rob to engineer something !
Both my carers have seemed to change their minds about being carers. K is going on the 2nd as planned,but won’t be returning again ( not planned ). She wants to resume her job as a beautician. Hanna doesn’t seem to indicate that she wants to come out here.. so yet again I am a bit stuck!
I am meeting with a care agency here on Monday and i hope that I’ll find something, or ill be really stuffed. Since I can’t get out of bed by myself, that would be game over if no one turned up!
Yet again things are going South, aren’t they?
My situation is that I own ( mortgaged ) an apartment in the Algarve. Whilst nice enough, it is full of the memories of my previous life, which are now haunting me.
I don’t know anyone here, and don’t want to spend my time drinking in bars, and becoming some wheelchair bar freak. As I’ve very little to go back to Britain for, maybe I’ll halt the sale of this place ( early stages ) and stay here?
I was going to come back on the 2nd but if i can secure a carer hère, then I won’t – I’ll stay and save myself the fear of everything going wrong in London, and myself ending up stuck and unwanted. Feeling a nuisance is a real dent in an already battered body and mind.
I’ll decide on Monday what I’m going to do.
Funny, or rather not funny at all how my outlook can shift from positive to the opposite. Yesterday I was in the mindset that I really could see myself being happy again, but today that has shifted.
I used to see things written by the Paralysed about what fun they’d had, and dismiss them totally as lies – how could you be happy and paralysed, it’s just completely contradictory.
I have glimpsed happiness but they remain glimpses.
As the trend of late has been a bit of a FlatLine with occasional rises, tho more dips, I cannot say that I’m heading in that happiness direction, with total honesty.
Again today I’ve tried to call my two daughters, but with the usual straight to voicemail outcome – it makes me so sad, but I keep trying nonetheless. Lily is looking into Uni choices and I have no input or opinion that’s been sought, which is heartbreaking for me. I never thought it would be this way – what loving father would ? I hope they are happy despite not having me in their lives. Their mother has a boyfriend, who I hope is a positive influence, but I’ve no idea.
No doubt I’ll force myself out of this dip soonish.
So my second day of fasting has passed easily. I’m on 22 hours and won’t eat before bed, so it’ll be 36 hours.
My stomach definitely appears to de-bloat very effectively, so I reckon I’m onto a winner with this. It’s no big deal not to eat, it’ll be easier not to put on weight through relative lack of post paralysis exercise, so it’s a bit of a no brainer really.
Ashley has been here for 3 days so it’s been just lovely having her with me. We do have such a laugh – odd girl seems to have the same sense of humour as me … what are the odds on that?!
She’s gone, but the slight compensation is that a new way of getting around arrived, after a fair bit of setback.
Check this out – first go, after about 20 Minutes.
There may be trouble ahead…..
So I’m checking out my close friend, Mike Smith’s forthcoming desert race in Namibia ( 6 days long ) and I see that out of the hundred or so racers is another close friend of mine- Monique Dube.
Crazy small world, isn’t it? Both tough characters and both nice on the outside with steely insides.
I wish them all the Best in the race, obviously.
Mike is raising money for a brilliant cause – his friends lost their little girl, and Mike is contributing to the medical cause that is trying to prevent other children dying.
His fundraising page is –
If you can, take a look and support him.
You can follow the race via –
A 9 hour sleep without a sleeping tablet.
Wow – that’s progress. I’m doing non stop arm exercise during the day – they don’t make me FEEL tired, but I guess it is working!