Monthly Archives: October 2016

Monday evening.

I’ve had the most complex night of my life so far, I think.

I have so many concurrent problems in my life, that they ought overwhelm me, and indeed 6 weeks ago would have done.

I can see myself in court for 3 different reasons, trying to establish my right to justice, all of which I’ll win, but none of which will be a cause for happiness.

The happiness, somewhat bizarrely, I have already.

People keep asking me what different medication I’m on. The answer is that I’m not on anything more than I have been for many months, other than some extras for my spasms, which haven’t gone away in any case, despite my 4 crazily extensive operations. I’m on the second smallest dose of Sertraline, as are probably a significant proportion of Britain.

In my career as an optometrist, it never ceased to amaze me how many people were on antidepressants – I’d always say ‘ they look like they’re working, as you seem very cheerful to me’ , which always got a laugh.

My career has been on standstill for quite a while now, for reasons I cannot go into, but I’m confident that I shall return.

I’m definitely not into quitting.

A message.


I’m the current vice chair of Spinal Injuries Association  and just seen your post.

I’m also a spinal solicitor and do medical negligence. I’m out at mo but can email SIA tonight and see if someone can call you tomorrow. If you’d also like to discuss the op do let me know too.

Kind regards,


Had enough / court case ahead.

So tomorrow they  want to hoof me out of here.

Nothing has been arranged, in terms of ‘ care’ for me, care that I didn’t need when I was admitted here  on August 23rd, but do now.

The next 3 months will be extremely limited in many, many ways

The option of the NHS District nurse visiting to ensure that I don’t end up covered in my own excrement every day, seems to be a step too far for the NHS.

One helpful suggestion was that they get me wear an adult nappy every day, let me shit myself, and then clean me up as they put me to bed. That would result inevitably me crapping myself again shortly after – with consequential bed sores, and ultimately infection and death – that being a common outcome.

My GP, the District Nurses and Social Services all pass the buck to each other, and I’m getting nowhere, with an 18 hour deadline.

All those dark thoughts are flying around my head- the ones I used to have until 7 weeks ago, involving sharp blades and blood, and a quick fucking way out of this shit.

Ive been on the phone all day to so many people- my voice is hoarse and whispering now, and I’ve a sore throat

Having phoned Stoke Mandeville outpatients, their person said to refuse to leave, until such time that acceptable arrangements have been made.

The reason my fixation broke in the first place was that they INSISTED I transfer to my wheelchair 36 hours after filling my back with metal. At no point was I advised to be careful in any way about technique – as a consequence I bent and twisted my body at the same time repeatedly,  in the presence of nursing staff and physios, who said ‘ if its going to break, then it will break ‘

I questioned this advice at the time and was told to get on with it   Funny then that now, after the 4th operation they’re telling me not to move at all so that the bones and screws can knit together .

The inconsistencies are dramatic.  How they’ll defend this in court, I don’t know. I’ll need a lifetime of expensive private care,  directly due to the mismanagement here.

I’m not going to just take the hit, that’s for sure.



img_7799 img_7800Thanks to Kev Young for

1. Waking me up

2. Bringing me a posh coffee and muffins

3. Bringing his engineering skills to bear, and tightening my wheelchair brakes, so much that once engaged a charging bull wouldn’t budge the thing.


Thanks to  the  ever generous Cherie, and to Pat ‘ the Chippy’ Savage Esq ( pictured above )  for his conversation and company. We, and Joe,  had a laugh, for sure.

Tomorrow could be my last day here, and I am going to miss the view from my window, of the city.


Hammer update. 


I now, by pure chance, have acquired one.

Still need Allen keys and a hand that can wield a spanner.

Hospital staff ‘ can’t touch this’….


A post from a fellow paralysed person.

See, all  the shit is in your  mind, rather than in your trousers.


‘ Warning bold statement to follow …………………

I bloody love being paralysed♿️♿️♿️

Just when you think you know your body well after all these years living with an SCI(22yrs), when you have a tried n trusted bladder n bowel routine and you are pretty good at reading your own body it “the lord of spinal injuries” still pops up to give you a gentle and in most cases unsubtle kick up the arse to let you know who’s boss.

Mine came at 06:10 this morning whilst driving home from a 12hr nightshift. There I was trundling along the duel carriageway at a law abiding 70mph when without warning my bowels exploded beneath me. Un-de-turd (pun very much intended) I found myself sat in a pool of…?…laughing my head off. My only slight concern was how tricky it may have been convincing the police I wasn’t a drunk driver but just your average shitty arsed spaz if I was to be pulled over!

I share this story not to turn stomachs or put you off your breakfast but to assure you that things like this really don’t matter. There is no need to be/feel embarrassed or ashamed, no need to get upset or depressed and that there is nothing that can’t be cleaned, replaced or fixed up. There really are no issues with anyone partner/family/friends/medical professional/random stranger helping you out in your moment of unexpected bodily madness either.

SCI life is to be laughed at it’s who WE are. No changing from it and definitely no hiding from it so embrace the wheeling YOU don’t resent it. Live it. I know it’s easy to say and we all have our individual battles and demons but trust me they will seem a lot smaller when you face them with a smile.

Enjoy your day ladies n gents and please feel free to add any tales of spinal woe that your day may bring in the comments! A laugh shared is a chuckle enjoyed ?♿️?’