Today I’ve spent with Pistol Pete, Leigh, Cherie, Ian, Cherie, Toby, Sam, Dickon, Pia and Dan. Thank you so much all of you for your presence. The reality if my situation is that I’ve, out of intent and curiosity, after they’ve all gone, despite their obvious cheerfulness and love, investigated how hard you have to push a sharp knife into your neck in order to pierce the skin – and it’s actually very hard – far harder than you might imagine actually.
It’s a weird thing the whole self injury thing – it’s obviously contra- intuitive and against all self preservation- and I can certainly testify to the fact that killing yourself isn’t easy to physically do, at least not in a calculated way. I think that bridges, level crossings and tube trains give you more certainty and spontaneity, whereby the end result swiftly becomes some other person’s trauma ( not good for them, tho by then it’s too late to feel any guilt.
i will therefore journey into my fifth post injury year, not presently knowing why I’m really bothering …
Good to get a message from my family ( Alwyn ( brother) ) today.