Today I’ve spent with Pistol Pete, Leigh, Cherie, Ian, Cherie, Toby, Sam, Dickon, Pia and Dan. Thank you so much all of you for your presence. The reality if my situation is that I’ve, out of intent and curiosity, after they’ve all gone, despite their obvious cheerfulness and love, investigated how hard you have to push a sharp knife into your neck in order to pierce the skin – and it’s actually very hard  – far harder than you might imagine actually.

It’s a weird thing the whole self injury thing – it’s obviously contra- intuitive and against all self preservation- and I can certainly testify to the fact that killing yourself isn’t easy to physically do, at least not in a calculated way. I think that bridges, level crossings and tube trains give you more certainty and spontaneity, whereby the end result  swiftly becomes some other person’s trauma ( not good for them, tho by then it’s too late to feel any guilt.

i will therefore journey into my fifth post injury year, not presently knowing why I’m really  bothering …

Good to get a message from my family ( Alwyn ( brother) ) today.


3 thoughts on “14/6/2017

  1. Your Auntie is right. I used to work at St James’s Hospital in Balham typing out post mortem results for people that had jumped under a tube train at Tooting Broadway and along the Northern Line and it wasn’t pleasant. Death isn’t always quick. They sometimes lingered for days. Love to you Margaret x

  2. I know all anniversaries bring back memories good and bad, but I was very sad to read your anniversary post. Can you keep your interest in science to the lectures you go to and resist the self harm experiments do you think?! And the response to Paul’s post is not that the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train!

    Having worked for Transport for London I can tell you jumping in front of a tube usually means agonising injury, but not always death and Mark spent the early part of his career dealing with deaths on the railway – he used to think bringing the photos home was entertaining!

    Please remember ‘accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative’ as the song goes!

    Lots of love and positive thoughts.

    Auntie Mary xx

  3. yes, I remember the day when my wife Jenni departed Sainte Wandrille, via London City Airport, and spent five (5) weeks by your side, along with her daughter Dani, plus a lot of others who came and went. I went to Sainte Omer an said a lot of prayers for you.
    You are in the biggest game of your life, don’t stumble in the ‘darkness’, there is light there at the end of the tunnel, maybe not the tunnel you had wished for, but it is light!

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