This morning I was outside on my terrace, chatting to a friend that had socially distanced climbed over my railing to see me. We were about 10 feet apart ( obviously ).
Anyway… as we talked a fella out walking his dog, past my railings, called up to me and having got my attention said ‘ do you know that Carer of yours watches porn in your living room?
A little taken aback, I laughed and said ‘ oh really?’
He said yes, he does. And it’s hardcore, the sort of stuff that would make my wife’s eyes water ‘

At this point I’m still not taking him seriously, because for one my Help is female, not a ‘ he’.
Also she just doesn’t seem the type to be honest… not that you can tell though I suppose… but still I’d have put money on her probably NEVER having watched porn at all, and more money on it not being in my living room.

The thing is that I have a massive 75 inch telly, and no curtains… and any passer by could feasibly see exactly what was on the telly, from outside on the path. The tv is so big that it would be like watching a sex scene in the Odeon, even when stood outside. …

Then the penny dropped.
My lodger… the Butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth, respectful, deferential, wouldn’t say boo to a goose typa fella…. hmmm I think I’ll look him in the eye and ask him.

So I see him the next day and say ‘ Daniel… my neighbour said he could see you watching porn on my television…’

Porn, he says, what eees thees?

SEX I said… on my telly.

No? He says.

Well he saw you… I said ( calling his bluff … )

Ahhh he said, looking all mystified.. I just for one mineet connected my phone to your TV to try it …

( yeah right.. and porn just forced its way onto your phone at that particular moment, did it? And then once it came on you immediately turned it off… rather than sat down in my armchair and ‘ enjoyed yourself’ …? Hmmmm? ) But I didn’t say that.. I just laughed internally and told him to watch sex on his own ( bloody ) TV in future.

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