Having had little contact with my children for 14 months, I’m taking legal advice.
I read that it’s extremely common to lose all contact with your children after an absence of 2 years and I do get that.
In my situation it’s far better for ‘ my head ‘ if i don’t think about the sadness of not seeing them, as, in combination with all the other challenges I face almost daily, it’s enough to ‘ tip me the wrong way’
Advice to me from clever and good people varies from FIGHT FOR THEM to give them space… after 14 months of very little, I don’t think the space approach is working. Regular messages don’t work, not messaging them doesn’t work, pushing for contact doesn’t work either, and backing off is no more successful. Being generous gets me nowhere, and being non generous even less so. Should they actually be rewarded with generous gestures for ignoring me? Money can’t buy love, can it?
Asking friends to talk to them get’s the ‘ ooh it’s not my place really’ but no attempt to is presumably interpreted as not caring?
There doesn’t seem to be a winning tactic other than a legal route. Given they have walked past my house twice a day for a year means that they aren’t exactly hindered by proximity, yet won’t call in? I can’t go round to where they live as it’s not wheelchair accessible.
Its been suggested i wait outside their schools in the wheelchair and hope they talk to me, too, but I don’t think they would.
Lord knows what they are told about me, and Lord knows what is told to my ex friends, as no one says. Well, one did, and it was a tissue of untruths.
Im at a crossroads- do I carry on ‘being stressed ‘ about it, or do I let them go ( like the 40% in the UK that lose all touch after 2 years ) ?
The more settled I get, the easier it becomes to not think about them, as it’s in times of stress that my mind goes to them most ( as in ‘ Christ, I don’t even have my kids anymore ‘ ) For my own mental state it’s far better that I’m stress free, as I have so much every day to ‘ cope with ‘, far more than a normal person does, for disability reasons.
What do you think, out there? The way forward?