Tuesday the 11th of October.

Bloody hell, I just had to cough and want to a lot more, but it still hurts so bloody much, so I desperately try to resist the urge to.
Once you’ve coughed once, there’s a reflex that kicks in which makes you cough 3 or 4 more times… so for me a multiple stabbing.

I drink water to suppress my cough reflex, but sometimes I don’t make it to the glass in time, as it’s not within arm’s reach for me ( so it may as well be on the moon )

Why is out of arm’s reach ?
Because somebody else moved it, without thinking… of the consequences.
That’s been a recurring thing, these last 3 years plus.
I don’t expect that to change ?

Ongoing thanks to Rahel, Pedro, Sheku and Mario for their nursing care, and to Jenny ( the only person with a strong Geordie accent that I’ve met, who hasn’t ever been to Newcastle… having been born to a Spanish father, in Spain, and grown up in Spain, but with a mother from Newcastle….

I remember examining the eyes of a 75 year old man, who’d been moved to Staines, not far from London, just after the War – that’ll be the First One, not the Second.
He had a Welsh accent so strong that I asked if he’d driven up for the day.
He told me that he’d not ever been back to Wales, since being relocated to England at the age of 7.

Yes, no word of a lie.

As they don’t use soap in private hospitals ( private because I was covered under medical insurance when I had my accident, and have been since, to a degree ) – infection controls/ they get to charge for the wipes etc etc, they insist that they can only use baby wipes typa wipes.
Well in the same way that you can’t only use baby wipes to clean a baby – you have to bathe them daily…. well so it is for me! They default to wipes until I persuade them with logic to use actual soap and water.
I can’t just get up and have a shower, can I ? I’m not supposed to move at all..
And guys, you try an in-bed wet shave, using baby wipes, my electric shaver having packed up.

I’ve had some interesting thoughts today, borne of a conversation with someone who has a relative with a ‘physical impairment’ who has never married. What came from this conversation is that society is prejudiced against disability, to the extent that even my own family are applauded for ‘coping’ with my disability, as in … they’ve not rejected me, it being a human instinct to not include abnormality very easily.
Well it’s easier to exclude the abnormal, than it is to welcome them in… right?
Wouldn’t it have been easier to have put me in a care home, and come to visit me once a week, than to ‘ have to struggle with helping me to do things?’ You family are amazing, for sticking by him, and letting him live with you in the house that he was half responsible for you all to be living in ..

There was someone in history, a small guy with an even smaller black moustache, who had the same philosophy about the non perfect, all those physically different people, black people, gay people, and the Jews.

The thing is, that he tapped into society’s Pre existing prejudice, and found that most agreed with him..
And he very nearly got away with it, too.

It’s ironic that I used to be Aryan in appearance, with blue eyes, fair hair, and good stature – all the way until June 2013… but now I’m not, except for the blue eyes.
It mattered not that the Jews were highly intelligent and commercially extremely adept – those traits were resented, deeply resented.

If the Second World War had secured victory for the Nazis, I’d possibly have prospered right up until the time of my paralysis, at which point I’d have been put to sleep.
Professor Stephen Hawking would never have lived beyond 20 years old….

If your parents, partners or children have accidents/ medical conditions that make them imperfect, then the relatives ‘left behind to deal with it’, to carry on bravely…..are applauded far more than the afflicted person… the person who really, really has to cope with it, for the rest of their life.

I don’t imagine my ( correct, but perhaps uncomfortable to read ) analysis of this stuff will change the minds of those conditioned to prejudice, which surely can’t be any readers of this diary…but if it does, then it’ll have been worth writing it down.

Russ ?

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